Kids in college? Don't ask; just pay

So you scraped together the money to pay tuition for your child's first year in college, and you would like to see a report card when spring semester ends this month.

Sorry. You can't have that.

And don't ask the school for information about your child's disciplinary record, trips to the health clinic or just about anything else that is part of his or her student record. The schools are going to send you back to your child for that information, too.

"We were surprised how little information we received from the school about our son," said Dave Roland, a member of the Parents Advisory Council at Duke University and the father of a freshman there. "We were joking the other day that paying tuition is like spending the money to buy a Lexus every year -- but you never get to drive it."

School officials know the learning curve for parents, especially freshman parents, is steep. From summer orientation sessions to electronic newsletters, they do their best to keep families informed. But by this time every year, most parents acknowledge the obvious:

"If you want to know what's going on, you'll need to get it from your kids," said Robin Dotson, who has one daughter at N.C. State University and another at UNC-Wilmington. "You won't be getting it from the school."

The reason, school officials say, involves a mix of legal requirements and educational philosophy. The legalities are there to protect student privacy. The philosophy is to get mom and dad to cut the apron strings.

"The job of parenting isn't over, but it changes," said Ann Gleason, dean of students at Meredith College. "We are going to view the students as adults, and that means they need to let their parents know what is going on. We aren't going to do that for them."

It often takes a while for everyone, including the students, to get accustomed to this power shift.

"I knew what to expect, but I was a little unsure about what I was supposed to do," said Maggie Linak, a senior from Raleigh who will graduate this week from NCSU. "I showed them my first report card and maybe my second and then it didn't seem to make sense anymore. I just told them if they asked."

Legal boundaries, too

Legally, the release of academic information is governed by the federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act. Absurd as it seems to some parents, the law requires a college to have written permission from students before the school can share information with anyone. Different laws and policies treat students' financial and medical information in a similar fashion.

Understandably, this sticks in the craw of many parents who say there would be no student record if not for the thousands of dollars parents sent to the university.

"My husband and I are both educators, so we knew this was coming and our girls are not the kind who are going to flunk out," Dotson said. "But it was still irritating to be told that if they were failing we might never know unless they told us."

Ryan Lombardi, assistant dean of students at Duke, said he understands the friction, but the federal law doesn't leave schools a lot of wiggle room. "At the same time, we are very aware that parents have paid a lot of money for this education," Lombardi said. "That's why we encourage students and parents to really communicate with each other."

There are ways to get around some of the restrictions. Duke, for example, sends midterm grades to the home address of freshmen. The envelopes are addressed to the students -- and hundreds of parents undoubtedly open them anyway.

NCSU parents are automatically contacted about drug violations and certain alcohol violations, said Paul Cousins, the university's director of student conduct.