Net generation grieves with Facebook postings

When news of Duke University student Rajesh Rajan Das' death reached those who knew him, his Facebook page quickly became a living tribute for their friend.

"I can't imagine not being able to call you, eating Rudino's pizza for the umpteenth time ..." one friend wrote on the Internet networking site. Another friend wrote that Das, 26, was the life of the party. He was someone you could look up to, a third friend wrote.

Das was found dead in the back seat of a friend's car Dec. 6, and police are awaiting autopsy reports. Like Das, many college students who have met premature deaths live on through their Facebook pages. People leave notes from time to time on the Web pages initially created by their deceased friends. Some pages remain as living memorials for more than a year.

Kim Phelps, a psychotherapist in private practice in Raleigh who deals with grief counseling, said the pages are evidence that the younger generation is using technology to deal with grief.

"For this generation, the computer is so much a part of their lives," Phelps said. "We would do things that would be more traditional grieving. Our young people have found a way to grieve in a way that fits with them and their generation.

"I think one of the most important things in the grief process is connecting with other people," she said. "These young people have found a fantastic way to do that."

Nitu Mathew, 23, a master's degree student with Das in Duke's biomedical engineering program said her friend's death has hit her really hard.

"There are times I think maybe I'll forget the times that I spent with him," she said. "Somehow, his page makes sure that they are never forgotten. Like they say, a picture is worth a thousand words."

But, Facebook officials said, that won't last long.

"Once we become aware that a Facebook user is deceased, we leave their profile up for 30 days," Facebook spokeswoman Meredith Chin said in an e-mail message. "After that time, we remove their profile."

Until Facebook removes it, Mathew said, going to Das' page helps: "His page will always be there as a reminder to his friends about how he touched our lives."