A tribute to Apex sheep

What does it mean when a man lives upstairs in a house with 70 sheep downstairs?

For one thing, it means David Watts could never go to the kitchen for a late-night snack without putting on his shoes.

For another, it means that Apex town officials were derelict in safeguarding not only those maltreated animals, but also town residents.

Town Manager Bruce Radford, surprisingly, agreed. "It's my fault," Radford told me at his office Monday when I asked him about the man who was arrested last week for keeping and abusing scores of sheep on his property and in his house. "It's been tough. My hands were tied, but I should've done more ... . Blame it on me."

What more could he have done, I asked.

"Just more. Maybe I should've insisted Animal Control come every week" to inspect the property instead of intermittently as it did.

Instead of beating himself up over the incident that has brought international attention to the town, Radford and other town officials should take advantage of it. They should embrace their identity and ride those baaaaaad boys all the way to the bank as tourist attractions.

It shouldn't be difficult: While I was at Watts' ramshackle house, a tourist-laden Jeep stopped to look at it.

Dave Creager of Apex was tour guide for three friends from Minnesota who were anxious to see the sheep house.

"They came down for the race [NASCAR at Martinsville, Va.] and wanted to see it," Creager said. "My friend called before they got here and said, 'Hey man, what's going on with all the sheep?'

"I thought he was messing with me," Creager said, until he turned on the news and saw it being reported on CNN.

Here is my poetic tribute to sheep lovers everywhere.

Maestro, hit it:

There once was a man who lived in a house

With scores of sheep, most covered with louse.

He strolled through his neighborhood with some on a leash.

I'll bet you some of them ended up in a quiche.

The city never responded to neighbors' calls and letters.

They must've thought the dude was just knitting sweaters.

When the wind got right, flies and funk filled the sky,

Yet, an Apex cop called Watts "a regular guy."

"Regular," perhaps, on Venus or Mars.

But down here what he did landed him behind bars.

His attorney will argue. "Your Honor, my client can't sleep.

"In order to slumber he has to count sheep."

If he lands in the Big House he'll no doubt dine with celebs

And make lots of money before his fame ebbs.

He'll rap with Oprah and chat with Dr. Phil

Who'll solemnly intone, "This man is ill."

If Watts is smart, though, and plays his cards right

He could become rich doing ads for Woolite.

Or else he could be the spokesman for PETA

Declaring, "Not one of those darlings did I ever eata."

When cops arrived on Moore Street, neighbors sent up a cheer.

Because they'd begged them for years to "get the flock outta here."