Dr. Ruth is still talking about sex

It might not seem like it, but it's been less than a decade since the phrase "erections lasting longer than four hours" ushered itself into our background noise.

For all we see and hear of erectile dysfunction, with repeated airings of that television commercial in which a 50-ish man throws a football through a tire swing (wink), there was a time, and it wasn't long ago, when Ruth Westheimer was the only person on TV who talked about sex.

She credits some of her success to her German way of speaking. "My accent was very helpful," said Westheimer, speaking on the phone from New York. "They could say, 'What is this European person talking about?' "

If you're interested in what she's talking about, Dr. Ruth will be in the Triangle today for a book signing, as well as a seminar aimed at couples who are dealing with intimacy issues. The seminar is organized by American Medical Systems, a company that manufactures penile implants. Westheimer will be joined by Dr. Culley C. Carson III, a professor and chief of urology at the UNC School of Medicine.

Westheimer, 79, earned a master's degree in sociology and a doctorate in family studies. She began her broadcasting career on the radio in the early 1980s and quickly moved to cable television. Through the decade, Westheimer taped more than 400 programs for the Lifetime network, in which she became famous for answering intimate questions from callers.

Westheimer helped usher in the era of talking about sex in public. The accent helped, she said, as did the fact that she was already 50 by the time she appeared on television. If a younger woman in a short skirt tried the same approach, it wouldn't have worked. Plus, she used humor -- but not jokes, because she never made fun of anyone -- to get her message across.

"A lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained," she said.

Westheimer used that humor, paired with intelligence and frankness, to help break the social taboos of talking openly about sex, said Dr. Glenn Withrow, a family physician in Chapel Hill who is a member of the International Society for Sexual Medicine. She talked about the things "that people blush about," he said. "And she was courageous to do this."

Westheimer helped bring talk of sexual intimacy "out of the clinical discussions and the examining-room discussions and into the public," Carson said. Before Viagra, many people didn't understand the language of erectile dysfunction or that so many other people dealt with similar issues.

Westheimer helped to share that knowledge. "She really got the process started," he said.

Westheimer acknowledges her place as a pioneer in the sex-talk arena. But that's not what she's most proud of.

"I might have been the first one to talk about it so explicitly. What I'm proud of is that I meet people every day who say, 'You saved my marriage.' "

But relationships, she said, can't be saved unless people are willing to talk about what needs to be done.

"Even my book 'Sex for Dummies' doesn't help if people don't have the courage -- and it does take courage -- to say, 'Look, we have a problem. And we need to talk about it.' "