No one loves a contrived contest better than CIO. Thus noted, if the temperature here in the Triangle is hotter than it is in Hell today between 3 and 6 p.m., up to 500 people will get free KFC Hot Wings.

How's that?

According to KFC, Colonel Sanders, who is dead, has placed a big thermometer outside the general store in Hell, Mich. If the temperature in the Triangle is hotter than it is in Hell, Mich., you can score free hot wings if you're one of the first 500 Trianglites to point this out at KFC.com. The deal is good between 3 and 6 p.m.

Again, Colonel Sanders is dead. He passed in 1980. He seemed like a decent man, from what we've read.

We can't imagine he's happy about his role in this promotion.

Job liability

Overheard in the dentist's office waiting room last week, around 8:35 a.m., a woman on her cell: "... she's young, 29. I don't think she's going to last."

(Pause.)

"No. She's a normal person."

Mixed (up) signals

Susie in Cary wants to know: "So if AT&T cellular has got Raleigh covered, as stated in their ad in Sunday's News & Observer, why does the photograph of 'Raleigh' in the ad show a river walk and skyscrapers that aren't downtown?"

Any ad wizards out there care to tackle this one?

Celebrate the Fourth, American style

Periodically since 2000, U.S. citizens have been called upon to support the nation during times of crisis by displaying the ultimate in patriotism. That is, we've been asked to go shopping.

And where better to shop on the anniversary of our nation's independence than the United States Store (http://astore.amazon.com/americasbirthday-20), where in addition to patriotic ties, DVDs and license plates, you can also buy "Dance Mix USA" ($13.98), which features such inspiring ballads as "Let's Talk About Sex," by Salt N' Pepa and "Touch Me (All Night Long)," by Cathy Dennis. Shake your booty for the red, white and blue.