Olympic-size family goes for gold

Have you seen "Jon and Kate Plus 8," the reality TV show about a Pennsylvania couple who are raising one set of twins and slightly younger sextuplets? While I would've been tempted to just name them Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy, etc. as they kept popping out, Jon and Kate Gosselin aren't the frivolous type.

What fascinates -- and repels -- is the couple's weird dynamic: She finishes his sentences; he walks around in a stupor most of the time fretting about his workout or his teeth-whitening or where they should go on vacation.

While most fans admit they love the show because of the rambunctious, adorable Gosselin children, I just fast-forward the TiVo through all the kid scenes. Any time I sense a loooong scene of eight kids eating Cheerios for breakfast, I just go "boo-boop" and get back to Jon and Kate chatting on the couch. Really, until those kids are old enough to discuss the environmental impact of offshore drilling, I'll speed through the endless "Ball! My Ball! Ball!" arguments

In each episode, Jon and Kate spend a lot of time on a cramped love seat facing an anonymous interviewer and nudging each other in the ribs (a little too hard, I think) and bantering about their chaotic life as parents of multiples.

A bit player in the show is Kate's OCD, which the show exploits endlessly. Watching her yell at workers for installing new blinds incorrectly, as in a tiny fraction off center, was downright uncomfortable. Kate is very big on, If You Want Something Done Right, Do It Yourself. Just ask Jon, who hasn't been able to do anything right in a very long time, possibly ever. We'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't just such a self-absorbed schmo, surfing the Web while Kate cooks endless organic meals and scrubs imaginary dust from the baseboards.

If only she'd let him finish a sentence.

Jon: "We were going to go ...

Kate: "To the park, but there was a piece of dried bubble gum on the underside of one of the picnic benches so I said we should skedaddle to the museum ..."

Jon: "Is skedaddle really a word?"

Kate: (giggling) "Shut up, you moron. (jabs him in the ribs till blood comes out of his mouth.)

Ratings gold, my friends. Ratings gold.

McClatchy-Tribune News Service