Enough with the vampires already

You're probably wondering why you don't see my name in the byline for the review of "Twilight" below. There's a simple explanation: I don't want to see it.

That's right -- I'm putting my foot down! Even though it's my job to give my take on the most anticipated movie that comes out every week, I just can't see myself slouched down in a theater seat and watching two hours of pale, bland, sexually ambiguous teenagers falling in love while flying all over the place. Besides, I already saw that a month ago -- it was called "High School Musical 3."

And, to tell you the truth, I'm all vampired out. Has there been a mythological monster that's been more overused and overrated than the vampire? Between all the hype that surrounded both the book and movie versions of "Twilight," not to mention that new HBO show "True Blood" (whose season finale is Sunday night), I really wouldn't mind if the whole vampire mystique just holed itself up in a coffin and went into an eternal coma.

I haven't seen one episode of "True Blood," even though I've heard people drop their drawers and get butt-bald-nekkid more than any other HBO show since "The Hitchhiker." But the main reason I refuse to watch it is that it's created by "Six Feet Under" showrunner Alan Ball. And, as far as loathsome movie/TV auteurs go, I despise him more than Paul Haggis. (Thank goodness Ball's recent directorial debut, "Towelhead," crashed and burned in other markets before it saw the light of day over here.)

But getting back to why I'm fed up with vampires. One can't deny that the vampire mystique carries a dangerous yet romantic allure that audiences are suckers for, making Hollywood capitalize on that allure every chance they get. I mean, vampires woo ya, then chomp down on your neck, suck out your blood and give you everlasting (albeit nocturnal) life. Oh, that's so sexy!

Vampire tales can also be used metaphorically to address contemporary issues. The forever-beloved TV show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was a metaphoric cornucopia, as it used its campy fearless-vampire-killer premise to address everything from teen angst to first loves to coming out the closet.

These days, I'd much rather watch something that involves werewolves. I didn't know how much I liked werewolf movies until I started getting inundated with all things vampire-related over the years. "An American Werewolf in London" remains one of my all-time favorite creature features. I've even enjoyed underrated lycanthrope movies such as the forgotten Albert Finney film "Wolfen," that Canadian teenage werewolf flick "Ginger Snaps" and "Wolf," which had Jack Nicholson turning into a more ruthless businessman once he got bit by the lupine bug.

I would think there would be more werewolf flicks going into production to counter all the vampire flicks. I was certainly psyched when I heard that "Juno" buddies Ellen Page and Olivia Thirlby would reunite in the lesbian werewolf movie "Jack and Diane." Unfortunately, that project has been put on hold, which was sad to hear considering that Hollywood has been doing werewolves wrong lately. They've churned out DOA flops like "Cursed" (Egads, that was awful!) and "Blood and Chocolate" (which I didn't see because of the title alone).

I'm beginning to wonder if I don't like vampire movies because the ones I like everyone thinks are jokes. The vampire movies I dig -- like the insane Tarantino-Rodriguez collaboration "From Dusk Till Dawn," the "Blacula" movies or even strange, arty ones like "Nadja" and "The Addiction" -- aren't held in the same high regard as revered cult classics like "Near Dark," a movie I didn't find all that scary. I will say that I did enjoy the haunting Swedish film "Let the Right One In," which is also a coming-of-age romance focusing on an awkward, tortured youngster and a blood-craving, tortured night-dweller.

A selection at last month's Escapism Film Festival at Durham's Carolina Theatre, it'll be coming out in the next couple of weeks (see the holiday movie preview on Page 7D). You should see it if you really want to check out a vampire movie that doesn't bite. Sorry, couldn't help myself!