When time is right is 'right age' to wed

Every few months, usually in waves, the national media break out in a rash of reports about "the right age" to get married.

The stories are based on the findings of data collectors and academic researchers, social scientists who try to pin down trends and cultural shifts.

Thanks to a summer report released by the U.S. Census Bureau that for some reason found its way into the hands of reporters a few months late, there have been a number of stories going around about the new "right age" to get married.

Major news outlets USA Today and NBC featured interviews with researchers and "average people" who debated the ups and downs of waiting to find love, and whether the rising age of marriage -- which in 2007 was 25.6 for women and 27.5 for men -- is good.

Sources in those stories said it's best to meet your soul mate and procreate in your mid- to late-20s, especially if you're a woman. Of course, other experts in the same stories disagreed and said that people who get married in their 30s are less likely to get divorced.

So whether you're 28 and single or 28 and married, feel free to panic. Either way, you've probably done it wrong.

On a recent weeknight at a mixer for local young professionals, a few women admitted that these stories and stats -- which they assume are distributed for a female audience -- drive them nuts even though they mostly know better.

"I guess I'm expired," said 28-year-old Victoria Reyes, upon hearing the new national marriage averages and about the stories of the "right age" to get married.

Sara Hickson, who got married in her 20s, rolled her eyes at the thought of a deadline. She's in her 30s and divorced.

On the "Today" show, the topic of when people should marry became uncomfortable when Meredith Vieira asked co-host Matt Lauer when he got married. Lauer, whose first marriage ended in divorce and was followed by an off-and-on-again marriage with a supermodel, was speechless, causing Vieira to apologize on live TV for getting too personal.

If you really want to know the best age to get hitched, those same talking heads who serve as experts in any of these "best age" stories will tell you the real answer to the question is that, not surprisingly, there isn't one.

Save a few social scientists who make money writing self-help books built on principles of do's and don'ts, most researchers say that their findings aren't meant to mandate right and wrong. They're supposed to determine who's doing what and why.

Robert Bernstein, a spokesman for the U.S. Census Bureau, says that yes, his office is responsible for these annual marriage numbers, but the data isn't collected to freak people out.

"We're just tracking the numbers," he said. "We're not passing judgment."

Likewise, David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, says census numbers shouldn't make people feel as if they need to rush to or from the altar.

"I think maybe they just build a story around them," he said, of the media and the stats. "All you can really conclude is that [the average] is going up."

Even Dr. Richard Paulson, a reproduction expert who is quoted in the USA Today story about the best age to get married, says that, actually, he has no idea when people should get married. He knows only about when they should make babies.

Even a nonscientist like me feels safe saying that based on biology and life expectancy, a good time to fall madly in love is probably in your late 20s to early 30s. I'd add that 28 is also the best age to run a marathon, backpack through a foreign country, and win the lottery.

But that doesn't mean accomplishing those feats is any less thrilling if you're 30- or 40-plus. A good study would tell you the same thing.