Things I hope to do in 2009

The New Year in its capitalized form is not something that is really important to me. I feel more of a sense of renewal when the flowers bloom in the spring or when the kids go back to school or on my birthday. I don't feel compelled to party like a rock star on New Year's Eve. Most years it is just another night. It won't surprise you to learn that I am also not compelled to make New Year's resolutions. I've never actually observed someone making and keeping one, so why should I set myself up for failure?

As Thanksgiving oh-too-quickly gave way to December, I would go to bed at night and see my copy of "Mommy Guilt" by Julie Bort, Aviva Pflock and Devra Renner urging me to reach for it instead of my remote control to watch a rerun of "Monk" or "The New Adventures of Old Christine." One night as the remote control was winning by a nose, I realized that I was feeling guilty about not reading "Mommy Guilt!"

You see, Renner (who it turns out is great friends with one of my favorite writers and e-friends, Tracy Thompson of Maternally Challenged) was kind enough to send a copy of the book to me and Mom2Mom editor Sarah Lindenfeld Hall.

When I finally got into the book, the following jumped out at me on the very first page: "We hope that you will read Chapter 1 through Chapter 3 in their entirety. Beyond that, the book may be used as a reference guide when situations arise that stress you out and you need to bring sanity back into your family life."

They get it! They really get it! They know that Mommy Guilt includes the guilt we feel about not reading a parenting book in its entirety. They are authorizing us to skip pages and whole chapters. The ultimate no-guilt book.

So, back to New Year's. I have never committed a crime, yet guilt is a part of the fabric that is me, not just as a mother but in every facet of my life. So this year, although I refuse to make a resolution, I would like to quit guilting. The most wonderful therapist on earth has me trying to think in positive terms, so I can't really say I'm going to stop feeling guilty. I can say that I'm going to accept things that have a tendency to induce guilt. Here are some of the things I'm going to tell myself:

Every e-mail that comes asking for volunteers is not personally directed at me. People are not keeping score and if they were, I would have lots of points accumulated from when I tutored kids in reading, helped fourth-graders prepare for the writing test and served as Room Mom for my son's fifth-grade classroom.

When my husband comes home from a trip, he can't wait to see me, the kids and our dog. He doesn't care that there are paw prints on the hardwood floor and the same load of laundry in the dryer as was there when he left. I can look forward to hugging him and welcoming him home instead of becoming the whirling dervish of housewifery in the hours preceding his arrival.

When I am lucky enough to have a freelance job, I don't have to be Harriet Nelson or Carol Brady when I am "at work" (which means in my office in my house with the door closed.) My children are seeing me model behaviors like concentration, dedication and ambition. If that means that they have to wait five minutes to tell me about the latest video I have to watch on YouTube, so be it.

I am going to forgive myself for occasionally only half-listening because I'm reading or writing a blog, being unwilling to watch "One Tree Hill" and making them pull their clean clothes out of the dryer themselves. I am going to work toward celebrating my good traits like getting them interested in reading at a young age, baking with them, playing cards with them, goofing on each other on Facebook and occasionally putting the meal on the table that gets unanimous approval. I hope you will celebrate with me!

Diane Neer appears Saturdays on TriangleMom2Mom.com. Read more about her at her blog, www.liveandletdi.com/.