Out with the old, in with the faux -- just in time

Twelve guests are due for a sit-down dinner in four hours. My dining room is a shambles. Furniture's shoved out. Drapes are down. An extension ladder is up, and two faux artists are putting a coat of caramel glaze on the walls and ceiling.

We're at the faux finish line of a two-week wall décor project. We aimed to finish the room for my New Year's Eve dinner party, but at this rate guests will be holding their plates on their laps.

Meanwhile, my family -- as payback for two weeks of neglect -- is finding perverse joy in the corner I've painted myself into.

I grab a faux brush and set to work. Decorative artist Jade Wieland, owner of the Stencil & Faux Shoppe in Denver and director of this project, instructs me to relax and apply glaze in loose, Zenlike circles.

As I work, I do the mental math: If we finish painting in 30 minutes, I'll need one hour to rehang drapes and put furniture back, another hour to set the table, prepare the centerpiece, stage the house and ice the Champagne. That leaves two hours to prepare food, take a shower, do my nails, change outfits three times, and ... I'm hyperventilating.

Wieland sees me rubbing my paintbrush so vigorously in one place that I'm wearing a hole in the drywall.

"We'll take it from here, Marni." She takes my brush.

An hour later, Wieland finds me in the kitchen. "Close your eyes," she says, leading me to the dining room. "Now open."

I scream, a good scream. The long days spent painting, fretting, stenciling, scarfing fast food off newspaper, plastering, ignoring my family, and faux finishing have converged -- beautifully.

The party begins

As guests arrive, I take their coats, hand each a glass of Champagne and wait for them to notice the dining room. They don't. They head to the kitchen toward the hors d'oeuvres. I've accepted that no one will notice. But, as we gather around the table, one astute guest observes, "I love your walls. Did you change them?"

I resist the urge to kiss her, and instead wave my hand dismissively.

"Oh you mean the paint job? We did that awhile ago."

Other guests look the room over and comment favorably on the stenciled ceiling and walls. I continue to feign nonchalance, but pride blossoms inside me. Dan shakes his head. I raise my glass: "Cheers, everyone. May all your house dreams come true."

Faux color washes can go on walls alone or over decorative effects, such as stencils or plaster details. Either way, here are Wieland's tips for choosing and applying faux finish:

Where: Faux finishing works in any home. Just be sure the technique suits the architecture. A mottled antique application works in Old World homes, and linear or geometric treatments go well in contemporary spaces. Don't forget ceilings and floors.

What: Success depends as much on what you put on the walls as how you put it there. Start with a good base coat of paint. Then choose a colored glaze, a scumble (another color wash product) or a metallic sheen. Buy professional-grade products, available through faux finish stores. Better products have more open time (the time you can smear the paint around), making application easier. If you are mixing your own glaze or scumble, use one part paint and four to six parts finish, or get a premixed product. Test combinations on small boards, then on an inconspicuous part of the wall to be sure the chemistry works.

How: Depending on the texture you want, you can apply finish with rags, cheesecloth, linen, feather dusters, sponges, chamois, paper towels or many other household items. At my house, Wieland applied glaze with a brush called a Leon Neon, a round, soft brush the size of a hamburger bun, with 2-inch bristles. She rolled on the premixed glaze with a 4-inch roller in a loose zigzag pattern, then brushed over it rubbing in circles to create a mottled effect.

Who: Before you start slapping up a faux finish, consider hiring a pro, or at least learning from one. Paint stores often promise that anyone can apply faux finishes easily. True, but nothing screams "amateur" louder than a bad faux job.

Warning: Once you faux one room, neighboring rooms can look drab by comparison. Now that my dining room is faux lovely, my entryway looks bleaker than ever.