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The combination of medication and the decreased flow of oxygen causes Hockaday to tire quickly and sometimes lose her train of thought.

But still they chat, about their daughters, about a special friend of Hockaday's who brings her favorite foods.

Kaplan helps when Hockaday struggles for words, but the conversation is mainly like that between two longtime friends, catching up over their regular cup of tea.

From their earliest meetings, Kaplan said she sensed that although they have different backgrounds, they have very similar priorities and personalities. She admired Hockaday's love for family, work ethic and her feisty spirit. And that affection is returned.

"She is so dear to me. She is so ... " Hockaday's voice trails off.

"You're sweet," Kaplan blows her a kiss.

What volunteers get

Garner resident Wayne Campbell has volunteered with Hospice of Wake County for about four years. At 68 and retired from work for the state and the National Guard, Campbell said he wanted to be involved with a reputable organization that did good work. He hasn't had a family member receive hospice services nor even had much experience with death in his family.

He has worked with about a half-dozen people one-on-one. He recalled one patient, a younger man with brain cancer, whom Campbell particularly enjoyed visiting with. They talked about the man's teaching career even as his memory failed and his speech became garbled.

"It was very difficult for him to talk, but he wanted to talk. He wanted to count for something," Campbell said. "The younger ones are more difficult for me to keep from bringing home. I've got years on this person. Why is there life cut short? I have to work hard not to internalize it. Not to bring it home."

But he remains committed to the work.

"After 68 years, it seems like a very natural thing to do," he said. "To one extent, maybe it's getting me ready for my own death. I think it's getting me to the point where I recognize it's going to happen to me."

Betty Anne Corby, of Cary, has spent more than two decades of a hospice volunteer, working one-on-one with families to help with whatever they needed.

Sometimes that's running errands; sometimes it's helping address the concerns about family members visiting from out of town. Mostly it's sitting with the patient while the caregiver takes a break. She has helped families through the actual moments of death, encouraging soft touches and gentle words. Whenever possible, she attends the memorial services for her patients -- she estimates dozens over the last 24 years.

She fondly recalls a patient she worked with for a year and a half as the woman's health fluctuated. She finds it harder when patients are in her care only for a matter of days because she doesn't get to know them well.

"I just can't believe how much I get out of this sometimes," she said. "I actually get out of it more than I give."

Sharing the loss

For Kaplan, who lives in North Raleigh, it was her family's experience with hospice two years ago that drew her back as a volunteer.

After years of illness, her father was in hospice care for several weeks before his death from lung cancer and kidney failure. While Kaplan knew of the organization by reputation, she learned more firsthand as she helped care for her dad.

Potential volunteers are encouraged to give themselves enough time to grieve after the death of a family member. Kaplan also gave birth to her first child and decided to put her career on hold. Her father's death and daughter's birth reinforced the importance of relationships.

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