Master the toast

If you're stuck at 'Here's to ...,' take these tips

To ask Joe Bunn about making a toast is to speak with a master observer of the poignant anecdote and its cousin, the slobbery, inebriated half-story. "Oh, my God ...," Bunn says when asked to estimate the number of toasts he has heard. Mentally rifling through 20 years as a wedding DJ, he pauses a moment before settling on this: "It's safe to say thousands."

So he has seen the good, the bad and the drunkenly, and has accumulated tips for good toasting that we'll share later. Because if you're called on to say a few words this New Year's Eve, we certainly wouldn't want you to embarrass yourself.

First, though, we thought it would be fun to dig around in the history behind raising the glass.

Depending where upon the Internet you click, the story of the toast has different origins. Greeks, it seems, began the habit of toasting to their friends' health for reasonable reasons: They wanted to prove to party guests that the wine wasn't poisoned.

Later, the Romans picked up the idea, augmenting the tradition by dropping a piece of toast into the wine glass. The bread helped take the edge off the acidity in the wines consumed in those days.

But back to Bunn, proprietor of Joe Bunn DJ Company in Raleigh, who figures he hears at least a couple of toasts each time he works a wedding.

His first tip for toasters is to spend a little time thinking about what to say. There's nothing wrong with using a few notes. "You don't want to whip out an 8 1/2-by-11 binder," Bunn says, but bullet points can help consolidate your thoughts.

And please remember that when you stand to give the toast, have a beverage in hand. Toasters can be nervous come go-time and forget that detail. Bunn has been in the business long enough to expect this; before he hands over the microphone, he makes sure the toaster isn't empty-handed.

The key to giving a good toast is to start with humor, which helps to grab the audience's attention. And once you've snagged it, that's when you add the poignant stuff.

"Bring the sentimental factor home at the end," Bunn says. "That's when you get the 'awww ...' "

Keep the toast between 30 seconds and five minutes. Less and it's difficult to make an impression. More and it will be difficult to keep everyone awake.

At the end, don't forget to raise your glass and bring the remarks home. Bunn has seen people speak and then sit down without ever giving an actual toast. If you're stuck, "Here's to 2007!" will work just fine.

Although he has heard a ton of them, Bunn isn't in the toast-giving business. That's why we turned to "professional summarizer" Dale Irvin, author of "The Everything Toasts Book: Find the Right Words For Any Occasion ..."

Irvin, who lives in Illinois, makes his living going to conferences and conventions. He attends the workshops and meetings, and then delivers a monologue to the conventioneers, riffing on the day's events. A paid public speaker, Irvin has made his share of toasts, and he has advice for delivering one on New Year's.

Be quick about it.

"The best New Year's Eve toast ever written was 'Happy New Year,' " he says. "And the worst one was 'Auld Lang Syne,' because nobody knows what the heck that means."

Irvin's book features self-penned toasts as well as those he accumulated in researching the book. Some New Year's Eve quotes are funny. Others are poignant. All are short.

"May you have an average year. Better than last year, but not as good as the next," Irvin says, offering his favorite NYE toast from the book.

To keep from looking the fool, keep profanity out of the toast. And keep away from the liquor.

After too much booze, the toast comes out "slurred and mushy and the toast-giver starts crying in the middle of it."

"That," he says, "is why you give the toast before you drink."

It's New Year's Eve, remember. The night is for smooching, not tears.