We here at CIO see ourselves as something of a clearinghouse of information, constantly sifting through the ceaseless chatter of "news" in an effort to present you only with what is truly essential for your day-to-day survival.

Thus, for every vital report we bring you about how long a slice of Domino's pizza can remain intact in the back of a teenager's closest --

19 years, so far, which you'd know if you read Monday's edition of CIO -- we spare you dozens of reports so goofy they don't even warrant mention in CIO. Reports such as this one, which came into the CIO Clearinghouse this week:

"The United States Baby Patent Office (USBPO), a nonexistent government entity, celebrated its first year service anniversary of offering parents, friends and family across the United States the opportunity to commemorate the birth of a child by purchasing an individually numbered Baby Patent from www.USBabyPatent.com. Starting at $5.99 each, this unique Baby Patent certificate stands out as a clever, low cost gift in an increasingly competitive marketplace."

CIO: Sparing you -- except for today -- from nonexistent government entities.

You're welcome.

Impe(a)chable license plate

Jerry in Raleigh writes: "Today I spotted a red Toyota convertible (top down) with a plate:

IMPECH W

"Young man driving alone ... could he be a leftie?"

Aromatherapy?

Linda at Duke wonders:

"When I checked out the Linens-N-Things circular in the Sunday paper, there was a sale on Yankee Candles. I really like Yankee Candles. One of the fragrances was 'Unwashed Linen.'"

Unwashed Linen?

"Unwashed Linen?" continues Linda. "This conjures up memories of dirty, smelly sheets and gravy-stained tablecloths. I think I'll pass on this candle."

Unwashed Linen?