You know fall is upon us when beauty companies start pushing femme fatale makeup. Ideally, theatrical colors -- mulberry lips, scarlet-fever blusher, black-widow eyeliner -- should conjure a glamorous diva. But, in reality, a face anchored by a dark matte mouth and penumbral eyelids could easily qualify for the pages of Glamour Don't.

"Look! It's Grandpa from 'The Munsters,' " exclaimed a colleague when I returned to the office last week wearing the latest fall makeup, freshly applied by a beauty adviser at a department store.

How to wear autumn makeup shades without looking as exaggerated as a female impersonator is an annual problem.

Every spring, cosmetics companies bring out new pink, pastel and terra cotta tones, marketing them with terms like "fresh," "healthy" and "glowing."

Come fall, the same beauty brands inevitably introduce deeper-hued jewel and berry shades, with slogans like "a return to glamour," a marketing scheme intended to induce women who may have pared down their summer grooming routines to a bit of bronzer and a dash of lip gloss to reinvest in foundations and lipsticks.

Every year there are new names for this heavy-lipped, heavy-lidded look. Estee Lauder's fall makeup collection is called After Hours. Prescriptives has The Seducers. Department stores are advertising Smokin' Hot from Yves Saint Laurent Beaute.

But that is just rebranding. The look was old when Gloria Swanson wore it in 1950 in "Sunset Boulevard." The practice of using color pigments to play up the seductive quality of eyes and lips predates even Cleopatra (the consort of Caesar and Mark Antony, not the movie in which Elizabeth Taylor disports with Richard Burton).

The question is whether a retro look befitting Norma Desmond or an Egyptian mummy could work on a contemporary woman who spends her working day not in a West Hollywood swimming pool or on a Nile barge but in a Midtown office.

I decided to sample the fall collections to find out.

PRESCRIPTIVES MACY'S

Products used (11): concealer, foundation, liquid eyeliner, four eye shadows, eyelash primer, mascara, blush, lipstick.

Total cost of products used for makeover: $200.

Time spent: one hour.

The makeover started well enough. A beauty adviser primed my face with a little concealer and foundation. Then she set about creating what she called "the fall eye."

Using a black liquid eyeliner, she drew a thin line from the inner corner of my eye, widening it into a graphic block at the outer corner, which turned up into a 45-degree angle. "It's called the cat's eye, or the Egyptian eye," she said.

In combination with pale primed skin and nude lips, the thick eyeliner recalled Brigitte Bardot circa 1960. It looked intense, but it worked.

Then came the overkill: The adviser layered on white, black, purple and lilac eye shadows patted on thickly both above, and a bit below, my eyes. My eyelids looked like I had gone a few rounds with the heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko.

Next, she chose a lipstick called Purple Prose, which she applied above my lip line, halfway to my nose.

"It looks strong to you now because it is still summer," the beauty adviser said. "But when the weather is cooler and you are wearing fall clothes, the makeup will fit right in."

Somehow I doubted it.

I bought just the eyeliner.

YVES SAINT LAURENT BEAUTE, SAKS FIFTH AVENUE

Products used (14): exfoliating cream, face serum, eye cream, age-defying cream, concealer, liquid foundation, loose face powder, eye shadow compact (four colors), eyeliner, mascara, two blushes, lipstick, lip gloss.

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