What women want in a house

'She reminded me of you -- picky." My 85-year-old dad is on the phone telling me about a bird.

"How do you know she was a she?" I ask.

In his backyard, Dad, an avid bird watcher, has two bird feeders, a birdbath and a birdhouse he optimistically hung hoping some nice bird couple would move in and raise a brood, which hasn't happened. Apparently, there's a glut of homes on the birdhouse market.

"Had to be," he said, then told me about how one bird -- surely a male -- checked out the birdhouse, flew all around it, then ducked inside for a look. Pleased, he high-tailed off to find his mate. She took one look, stuck out her twiggy heels, skidded to a stop in midair, |and flapped her wings till she flew backward, the whole time squawking the bird equivalent of, "Are you out of your ever-loving bird brain? I'd rather be cat food than live in that dump!"

"I felt for the poor guy," Dad said. "You could tell he was thinking, 'I thought the place was nice.'"

"What was her problem?" I asked.

"Didn't like the kitchen."

The scene took me back to the second time my husband, Dan, and I looked for a house. Dan learned the first time what most men eventually figure out: It doesn't matter what he thinks; if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. So he sent me off with a real estate agent and a price limit. Out I went, like a canary into the mine. After touring about 15 houses, I came home feeling like that lady bird. No way was I living in those dumps, I told Dan, who fell into a slump as if I'd told him I'd totaled the car and his team got eliminated from the playoffs.

"I can't believe that for (fill in a number ending with hundred thousand dollars) you can't find a house," he said.

"I'll know it when I see it."

"Can't we fix one up?"

"Fixers need potential."

"You're a snob."

"Because these homes are wrong from the concept?"

"Any one of them would probably be fine."

"Well, buy one, and live there -- alone."

"I'm going to have to get three jobs."

The conversation ended there. But I held to my vision: a generous kitchen, a walk-in master closet, a private yard, airiness, a place that didn't smell like someone else's pets, and the right feeling. That last part Dan really didn't get.

Emotions first

Psychology types who analyze gender differences know that (typically) men assess houses based on numbers (size, price), while women choose based on emotions (the bathroom window overlooks a hyacinth garden). Builders and realtors know, however, that women cast the deciding vote. And what they want -- beyond a safe neighborhood close to good schools and Nordstrom -- has changed in the past 15 years. Here are the latest consumer-driven trends in home design, according to Lee Golanoski, an architect and director of design for Toll Brothers, one of the country's largest luxury home builders:

Bigger kitchens. Kitchens are no longer in hiding. They're where everyone goes, connects and hangs out, said Golanoski. Older homes often have galley kitchens, only 150-feet square, and cut off from the rest of the home. In newer homes, kitchens are often more than twice as large. They open onto other living spaces, and have an island. "We do kitchens without islands rarely, if ever. Even our smallest town homes have them."

More bathrooms. Bath count is a big deal. If you're going to remodel, sink your money in the plumbing. Baths aren't just bigger, they're better -- think spa. Master baths in older homes have one sink, a shower and a toilet. Now master baths -- even in lower end new homes -- have two sinks, a separate tub and shower, and toilet. Kids' rooms have attached baths. "If you ever reconfigure a bedroom, add an adjoining bath so people don't have to leave the bedroom to get to the bathroom" says Golanoski.

Added closet space. Since we've become a society of consuming packrats, seems no home can have enough storage. (What woman hasn't had the closet dream, the one where you open a door in your home that leads to an undiscovered, empty closet?) Walk-in closets are a must in the master, and nice in secondary bedrooms. A wall closet is a welcome mudroom addition. Add them if you can.

Smaller living rooms. While kitchens, baths and closets are growing, living rooms are shrinking. The living room is more of a parlor for gathering with a few friends. The best floor plans adjoin living rooms and dining rooms. "Even though many of us only occasionally use living and dining rooms, they are still important fixtures in a home that buyers want."

Dan and I wound up building a home, which had what I wanted and was cheaper than buying a finished home -- not counting the cost of the year it took to build, the indigestion, the case of shingles, the bouts of drinking, and the five years shaved off our lives. Which prompted me to say to Dad: "Hey, maybe all that bir house needs is a little remodeling."