What's that spell?

Stop looking at me like that -- yes, I can see you. And no, I haven't lost my mind. I happily admit that I am cheerleading for a recession. And so should you.

Just think back to that champagne-filled night one short month ago (yeah, technically, January is a long month) when we were sparkling with bubbly resolve. We were going to stop smoking and start exercising, eat healthier meals and shed those handles nobody loves.

That plan for a better life is only a sorrowful memory, drowned in a sea of Cherry Garcia.

But we can dry those ice cream tears. We don't have to wait until next New Year's Eve to kick ourselves up a notch. Turns out a recession will do the work so we don't have to.

This happy news about bad times comes from Christopher J. Ruhm, a professor of economics at UNC-Greensboro. Ruhm's research shows that economic slowdowns help people live longer, healthier lives.

For each percentage point increase in unemployment rates, mortality rates decrease about one-half percentage point as deaths due to heart disease, flu, pneumonia and traffic accidents fall.

Ruhm has also found that consumption of alcohol and tobacco drops as the jobless rate rises and that obesity becomes less of a problem.

"The take-home message here is that on average, people are healthier when the economy takes a fall," Ruhm said by phone.

Surprising, right? That's because The Man and The Woman (aka The Boss) labor mightily to convince us that our well-being depends on our jobs.

Despite their efforts, we've known this truth in our hearts. Let me ask: Have you ever actually heard someone, apart from catcalling construction workers, whistle while he works? On the other hand, how many times have you heard someone say, "This job is killing me"?

Recessions, Ruhm says, relieve those pressures. For starters, not as many people have to battle the morning commute. Fewer cars mean fewer accidents. And people spend less time at hazardous job sites. They also get more sleep, making them sounder in mind and body. You know how good you feel on Saturday mornings when you tumble out of bed at 10 a.m. -- imagine that seven days a week!

In a roaring economy with rising wages, people spend less time exercising and preparing healthful meals so they can work more to fatten their paychecks. That, of course, is not the only thing they fatten.

All that work creates stress, which some people try to reduce through alcohol and tobacco.

A recession also works its Lourdes-like magic on businesses and the national economy. It forces companies that grew fat and happy during boom times to renounce their excesses and become leaner and more competitive, said John Kasarda, professor of entrepreneurship at the Kenan-Flagler Business School at UNC-Chapel Hill.

True, some companies don't weather the storm. But the silver lining is that these belly-upped businesses tend to be weaker concerns.

"In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly," Kasarda said. "When the wind dies down, only the fittest survive, so the economy as a whole is in better shape to grow when the good times blow back in."

However -- you knew that was coming, didn't you? -- Ruhm offers two caveats to his findings.

First, while physical health tends to improve during a recession, mental health does not. "People tend to become less optimistic," he observed.

True enough. But they might be if they became aware of the benefits Ruhm and other researchers have uncovered.

Second, Ruhm notes that recessions offer only a temporary fix for what ails us. Turns out a prolonged downturn starts eroding the goodness of bad times. "Long-term poverty is not good for health," he said.

That's why you won't hear me cheerleading for a depression. Just give me a recession -- short and sweet.

Get $150+ in coupons in every Sunday N&O. Click here for convenient home delivery.