On a day when democracy was supposed to be on display, it was napping. Or watching "Maury" to see who was the real baby daddy.

Mary Fant Donnan won the Democratic primary runoff for labor commissioner against John C. Brooks by a 2-to-1 margin.

Donnan's margin of victory seems pretty resounding until you notice that less than 2 percent of those eligible to vote noticed there was an election.

In November, she'll face current Labor Commissioner Cherie Berry, who won an equally sparsely attended runoff in 2000.

It's not exactly a mandate when the number of people who cast votes is exceeded by the number who can tell you the results of the paternity test on "Maury."

Whom do you blame, though -- the citizens for being lazy slobs or the government for proceeding with the election when it knows few people will bother to show up?

Next time, instead of wasting so much money to keep polls open for embarrassingly sparse turnouts, why not let us choose candidates using a method proven to engage the public? -- singing and dancing.

That's right: A good ol' "American Idol"-style hoedown could help pick our next labor commissioner, school board members, maybe even a president.

Heck, we couldn't have done worse if we had picked one last time based solely on his ability to warble "Over the Rainbow."

Not only would that not cost as much as holding phantom elections, but TV stations could make money selling ads.

Nearly as many ballots are cast for some semi-talented bozo from Toenail, Ga., doing a Cher impression as are cast for the country's leader.

"American Idol" reports that 97.5 million votes were cast this year -- when both finalists were named David. Of course, that is slightly misleading, since some people, for some inexplicable reason, voted more than once. And paid money each time.

By comparison, barely more than 100 million voters cast ballots -- in Florida, I'm guessing some of them voted more than once, also -- when President Bush was re-elected in 2004.

Allowing people to vote by phone would, unfortunately, validate their lack of civic consciousness. It would also, though, make us look better when future generations peer into history books and see that, say, 150 million people voted in a presidential election.

Never mind that they voted because they liked the way the winner vamped through "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves."

It's almost too elementary to say, but voting is not just a right, but also a privilege. When you realize that thousands in this country died for the right to vote, it shouldn't matter whether the offices being voted for are labor commissioner or cat herder.

Let's hope hope nobody had friends visiting Tuesday from another country where they still cherish and respect the right and privilege to vote. How could you explain to them that more of us seem concerned with the judge's ruling in Britney's visitation case -- he apparently gave her more -- than with whose name would go on that certificate in every elevator?

That's it: For labor commissioner, why not just vote for whichever candidate can sign her name most legibly?

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