Not the cutesy-wootsy kind with The Carpenters or Luther Vandross-style syrupy music in the background, either.

We're talking vows for the real world.

Right between the traditional "Till death do us part" and "hotcakes every Friday" -- hey, "traditional" is relative -- we'll add something like, "And if I ever get so tired of seeing your face that I wish you were dead, I'll just bounce first."

That's right: Slip out the back, Jack. Leave.

You would think that pledges or prenuptial agreements vowing not to kill the person you've promised to love and cherish for eternity would be unnecessary, right?

Apparently it is not. The first three news stories last Saturday night on a local news channel were about area wives who had been either stabbed to death, shot or were missing.

Two days later, equally disturbing reports of violence against women were reported in the first three stories.

In each of the first three cases, their dearly beloveds had either been convicted, been arrested or were under scrutiny.

What's going on?

Elizabeth Waugh-Stewart, president of the board for the Family Violence Prevention Center of Orange County, said domestic violence is more prevalent in summer. "People being stuck at home, the heat, nothing to do. Yes, I think there are some seasonal aspects," she said.

Perhaps, but it's got be more than summer swelter, right?

The prevalence of military bases in the state must have something to do with it.

Bob Dick, a clinical psychologist with offices in Raleigh and Chapel Hill, said he has treated many soldiers suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, or PTSD.

"Re-entry is very challenging" for those who have been deployed, he said.

In two of the most most recent, horrific incidences of domestic violence, Marines who had returned from Iraq were suspected of killing their wives or girlfriends.

Those cases were similar in an eerie way: Both women had been burned and buried.

Neither man has been convicted of anything, and both should be accorded the presumption of innocence. If they're guilty of crimes so similar, though, you have to wonder if one act of violence inspired the other.

One act may or may not have inspired the other, but such violence inspires long-suffering women to act.

Waugh-Stewart said "our phones ring more" following highly publicized instances of domestic violence.

"Some of [the women] are calling for the first time and just want to talk to someone. Some are ready to leave and want to find out about shelters," Waugh-Stewart said. "These incidents make it hit home, and they realize they could be killed."

Judging by popular television shows such as "Snapped," a show that follows real-life instances of women killing their husbands, you'd think the numbers of male-female homicides in marriages was about even. They're not.

Waugh-Stewart said, "Women's violence gets sensationalized because it's less common. Ninety percent of domestic violence homicide victims are women."

I never thought I'd be quoting those enlightened figures on domestic violence, Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose, but here goes:

"Strange as it seems

You know you can't treat a woman mean."