There are, make no mistake, cultural and geographical differences in language, differences that don't always translate well from one region to another.

For instance, perhaps you can tell a woman in Little Italy in New York that you want to pepper her ragu, or one in Smithfield that you'd like to sop up her gravy with your biscuits.

In both instances, though, she'd better be in the kitchen with a potful of sauce or a pan of gravy on the stove -- and you'd better be smirk-free when you say it. If not, you'd better learn to duck really fast and have the telephone number of a really good lawyer close by.

There is, though, no culture where you can tell a woman she's fat -- without walking away wearing a bowl of gravy on your head.

Ramon Rojano, director of human services for Wake County, discovered that recently when he was suspended for a week without pay for telling women in his office that they were too fat and needed to lose weight.

Really. That's what he said.

The dude claimed he meant no harm and that the problem was merely one of cultural and regional misunderstanding. The implication was that women in his Latin culture, and in Connecticut, where he was before coming here, wouldn't have been offended by his unsolicited, unflattering comments on their weight.

My efforts to reach Rojano failed. In an interview before he zipped his lip -- which is what he should've done before suggesting women in his office read the diet book "Skinny Bitch" -- Rojano told a News & Observer reporter, "I think this has been a huge misunderstanding" that "stem[s] from me trying to adapt to the culture and learn Southern ways of saying things."

What a crock. There is no Southern way, no Northern way -- NO WAY -- of commenting on a woman's weight, unsolicited or otherwise. Not even if she asks.

Her: Honey, do these pants make me look fat?

Him: I see that new Brad Pitt movie is opening today. Wanna go?

Had Rojano said that there are cultures and regions where fat -- um, make that "unskinny" -- women are appreciated more, even deified, he'd have been on solid ground. Barry Popkin, distinguished professor of global nutrition who runs the UNC Center for Obesity, said, "What's overweight to a black person or a Hispanic person might be considered obese to a white person. There's much greater acceptance" of being overweight among those groups.

He added, though, "The further you get from the ideal weight, the greater the health consequences." And nine of the top 11 cancers, he said, are related to obesity.

Should you tell people they're overweight? I asked.

"That's one of the most difficult things in the world to do," he said, and should generally be attempted by a trained professional -- a doctor or nurse.

Will Glenn, a spokesman in Wake human services' personnel office, said he doesn't think Rojano "has any bad feelings toward people who are overweight. He just promotes 'health options' " for them.

Cool. In that case, let me suggest a healthy option for Rojano: The next time you feel inclined to comment on a woman's weight -- don't. That way lies madness. And perhaps a bowl of gravy upside your head.

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