That's the plaintive plea I loosed heavenward -- OK, skyward -- last week when atheists around the world got angry at me over a line in a column.

In writing about the Virginia Tech massacre, I began, "No atheists in foxholes?"

That refers to the old bromide meant to convey that when bullets start flying or in times of national crisis, everybody finds something to pray to. Pretty innocuous stuff, right?

Not to the nonbelievers of the world, it wasn't. They somehow believed that I was disparaging their belief in not believing or questioning their ability to grieve for the victims.

When the first letters came, I responded in the manner that makes people far and wide call me Mr. Sensitivity.

"Are you nuts?"

I honestly thought it was a joke, a poor one, that anybody could take umbrage at a line about atheists in foxholes -- especially in light of the national tragedy that was still unfolding in Blacksburg, Va.

Upon realizing that I had somehow stepped on atheists' toes, I thoughtfully, patiently explained that I thought everybody calls on something when things get hairy.

"No, that is not true," wrote an atheist named Valinda. "That is a bold face lie and an insult. You are incredibly ignorant and rude. Atheists do not pray. Which word of 'atheists do not pray' did you not understand?"

Jason the atheist wrote to call me a bigot and said: "Your saying that I would pray is disrespectful of my conviction. ... Again, there are atheists in the wake of this tragedy. We grieve and seek resolution in our own way, and your statements make the situation worse."

Say what?

He continued: "I've been in combat with bombs dropping and I didn't pray. I've seen others ... in combat situations not praying. There are atheists in foxholes."

Just in case I didn't believe him, he sent me a link to a Web site called -- swear to Darwin -- Military Association of Atheists in Foxholes.

I salute each of them for serving and think atheists should be able to run for office. If one was the best candidate, would I vote for her or him, though?

Darned right, I would.

There are some things atheists can't do, though. For instance, one can never go into a karaoke bar, punch A-27 on the jukebox and sing Frankie Valli's 1975 song "Swearin' to God."

So there.

I would never impugn someone else's beliefs or lack thereof, even though I spent a week in Bible college back when I thought I heard a voice calling me to become a preacher. That was before I discovered women and liquor and realized that the voice I'd heard was probably caused by something I ate.

Wouldn't you think that people who so strenuously profess to not believe in a god would be a lot less inhibited, less -- hmmm, what's the scientific word I'm looking for? -- anal?

There is a story about comedian W.C. Fields, a renowned nonbeliever, being asked on his deathbed why he was reading the Bible.

"Just looking for loopholes," he replied.

If I were an atheist, that's what I'd be doing, too. You know, just to cover all the bases.