Col. Clay needs to step up

Uh-oh, this is just one more thing to worry about.

From now on, when a state trooper pulls me over, I'll have to wonder whether it's because I really was exceeding the speed limit or because he thinks I'm pretty.

Be honest. Weren't you flabbergasted to learn recently that not all troopers are highway-patrolling paragons of rectitude protecting us from cell-phone-gabbing, booze-addled Dale Earnhardt wannabes on Interstate 40?

While most troopers might indeed be the Dudley-Do-Right types, turns out that some are -- EGADS! -- just like us. Yikes.

We expect more from the state's elite police force than this:

One trooper was recently accused of abusing a dog under his command, another of using his badge to force Hispanic women to play tonsil hockey with him and another of making it a habit of stopping attractive women. (A good defense lawyer might argue that he simply wanted them to slow down so they would remain pretty.)

Just about every driver ticketed by that trooper -- nearly 100 -- ultimately had the charges dropped. But imagine the blow to the self-esteem of female drivers he didn't stop.

Will we be treated to the unprecedented sight of women flooding into court accusing an officer of not stopping them?

Lisa Leadfoot: "Your honor, there I was, doing 75 in a school zone at 8 a.m., and he just looked right through me. Why, I won the 1979 Miss Possum Belly Pageant, and I demand to know why I wasn't stopped."

Seemingly isolated instances of trooper indiscretions do not mean the entire agency is full of dog beaters or maladjusted would-be Lotharios, but it does mean that Col. W. Fletcher Clay must be more selective in who gets to wear the uniform. When troopers abuse our trust, he must bring down his patent-leather-shod foot with alacrity.

To that end, the Highway Patrol spokesman, Lt. Everett Clendenin, told me, "Col. Clay recently met with his command staff and told them what he expects from the troopers.

"Believe it or not, we do teach ethical behavior. That makes a difference, but it won't eliminate bad decisions totally. People are human and will make dumb decisions. ... We have 1,820 troopers, and 1,815 are doing what they're supposed to do."

Lest my license plate become No. 1 on the hit parade, let me say that for my money, our state troopers are the finest in the country. I have been stopped by troopers in many states, but none has been more professional than ours.

Even when two of them left me stranded on the side of the road one night -- my buddy Eddie and I got pulled over en route to the Big Brim Club and they accidentally drove off with my car keys -- other troopers called to apologize.

Perhaps it is the impeccable uniforms, but you just expect more from troopers, even when they hand you a wallet-busting ticket and needlessly admonish you: "Slow down."

("Needlessly" because, when you have just received a $150 ticket, no one needs to tell you to "slow down.")

It is the troopers' job to make sure we motorists do what we're supposed to do. It is Col. Clay's job to ensure that troopers do what they're supposed to. Now he should do what motorists on I-40 do when no troopers are around -- step on it.