She had the same disapproving, sucking-on-a-lemon look Sweet Thang's mama had the first time she saw me.

The ponytailed woman wasn't angry because she thought I might steal her daughter, though, but because she thought I was fixing to wash my car.

With rainfall in the Triangle as rare as a Dick Cheney four-minute mile, car-washing has become an offense some might consider worse than daughter-napping.

"Chill, Homes," I wanted to assure her. "I'm not fixing to wash the car: My basement is flooded with sewage and I. ..."

Hey, what the. ...

I realized that I didn't have to explain, so I gave her a look that sent her scampering down the sidewalk with Toto trailing.

Go mind your own business, Aunt Bee.

Of course, the profligate or unnecessary use of water is now everyone's business.

Some people look at area lakes, where water once flowed but where trees and discarded tires now sprout, and see the lakes as half-empty.

I see them as full -- of opportunity.

As cities and towns in the Triangle prepare to impose ever-stricter water conservation measures, they'll need to enforce them, too.

Much of the water used -- as much as 60 percent, by some estimates -- is tied to businesses. That can easily be monitored by inspectors and billing records.

Not as easy to enforce, though, is water conservation in homes.

Until now, that is.

My proposal, which will not only save water but create jobs, is for cities to hire -- get this -- sniffers.

Just as the federal government created the WPA during the Great Depression, we need similarly bold leadership to confront the current threat.

Gov. Easley has already asked residents to help out by not washing their cars and to shorten the length of their showers. He should now ask them to help out by not showering, at least not every day.

Raise your hand if you've already started. No really, raise your hand and we'll know by walking past if you're telling the truth.

Remember when the governor said that a dirty, unwashed car is a sign of civic consciousness? As rainfall becomes an evermore distant memory, isn't it time we considered an unwashed body to be the same?

No one is urging that we eschew showers and baths en masse, but just to alternate days the way we initially did with lawn-watering. You know, even-numbered addresses shower on even-numbered days and odd-numbered addresses on odd-numbered days.

The sniffers, paid or volunteer -- since some people like that sort of thing and would consider the smell of funk its own reward -- would go house to house each day and make sure we're not showering out of turn.

A side benefit is that if we observe the ban completely, we won't see as many births in the Triangle because people couldn't get close enough to each other to cause 'em.

Then, you see, there'd be fewer people needing water.

You can thank me later.

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