N.C. event honors those with dementia

Do not discuss me as if I am not present

My mind is foggy, but my heart is clear.

Do not criticize my imperfections.

If only I could choose to remember the simplest of tasks.

-- "Remember Me," a poem read at Candlelight Reflections events.

If Cherie Wilson wants husband Ron to help with a task around the house, she has to keep it short and sweet.

Ron, 76, a retired mechanical engineer, is happy to lend a hand, but his early-stage dementia means that jobs with several stages slip away before he can get them done.

"He just doesn't remember anything short-term," said Cherie Wilson, 63. "We're at the point where it has to be a one-sentence direction."

The Wilsons, who live in Durham, plan to go to the State Fairgrounds in Raleigh tonight for Candlelight Reflections, an annual event that honors people with Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia, as well as the people who look after them.

With glowing candles, prayers and remembrances of those who have died, Candlelight Reflections will be a moving experience at nearly 50 sites across North Carolina. But the event has a broader goal: promoting awareness that can help people in all stages of the disease.

Ron Wilson was diagnosed with mild cognitive dementia around the time he retired six years ago. Since the diagnosis, Cherie Wilson has kept up with the latest developments through the Alzheimer's Association, which coordinates Candlelight Reflections with help from the state Division of Aging and Adult Services.

The Wilsons try to eat right and exercise, practices that could slow the progression of the disease, as could Ron's doses of the medication Aricept.

"We'd like to slow it down," Cherie Wilson said. "But we know nothing's going to stop it."

Dr. P. Murali Doraiswamy, a Duke dementia expert, cites several reasons that early diagnosis of Alzheimer's and other diseases can improve quality of life for patients and family members. Like Ron Wilson, people with dementia can take drugs to slow the disease.

"You want to know early because there are many things that can masquerade as dementia," Doraiswamy explained, mentioning stroke and vascular dementia.

A recent study showed that families of people with dementia who are well-informed about the disease are less likely to ask that their relatives get aggressive treatment in the last stages of life.

Palliative treatment, designed to provide comfort to the patient, or hospice care can be more appropriate for patients with terminal, late-stage dementia, according to the study, presented last month in the New England Journal of Medicine.

"Patients with dementia who are dying often receive aggressive treatments, such as tube feeding or hospitalization for pneumonia, that may be of limited benefit and that are inconsistent with a palliative approach to care," study author Dr. Susan Mitchell, a Harvard physician, wrote in thejournal.

Ron Wilson can still drive on familiar streets and stay at home when Cherie leaves for work at Duke. But their life together must keep adjusting to Ron's fading memory.

"Our relationship has changed," she said. "Our conversations are totally different."

Like others who will gather tonight to honor people affected by Alzheimer's disease, the Wilsons take life a day at a time, cherishing moments of connection and dealing with the rest. There's support in being around other people in the same situation, some of whom will be remembering those who have died after years with dementia.

"It's a way to honor them and respect them and to respect the people that are going through it right now," Cherie Wilson said.