A welcoming reality check

DURHAM -- At a "girl time" session at the Reality Center, teenagers sat on floppy old sofas and shared their "highs and lows" of the past week.

One girl said her low was a cold. "I got sick and coughed a lot," she said. Her high was winning a soccer tournament. She brought her medal to show everyone.

Another girl said her low was anxiety about a test result. Her high?

"I get to come to girl time."

These teens - some have autism, others cerebral palsy or Down syndrome - love girl time, and every other activity at the Reality Center, a new Christian-based after-school ministry committed to developing friendships with teens, especially those who are overlooked and underserved.

On any weekday afternoon, the center, housed in a renovated church, is bustling with some 60 teens, many of them from the Durham School of the Arts across the street. While some boys shoot hoops on the hardwood floor of what was once a sanctuary, others pore over homework in nearby classrooms with the help of individual tutors. Down the hall, in a larger room, every pingpong, pool, air hockey and foosball table is ringed with kids releasing pent-up energy from a long day at school.

The brainchild of Jeff McSwain, the Reality Center opened less than two years ago with a goal of befriending any teen who wants to participate, but especially teens who are on the margins of society, such as young people with disabilities.

"We want everyone to know that the deepest reality of a person's life is that God loves them," said McSwain.

In its short life, the center has attracted a full-time staff of six and a cadre of volunteer "tutors" and "buddies" from Duke, UNC-Chapel Hill and N.C. Central University. It also boasts a core of satisfied parents.

"This is the one place he feels is for him," said Tylesia Taylor, whose 16-year-old son, Dayqyan, a student at Durham School of the Arts, is a frequent participant. "They see the heart of my son and not just the outside."

The Reality Center is the outgrowth of a theological disagreement.

On Nov. 28, 2007, McSwain, then-area director for Young Life in Durham and Chapel Hill, was fired.

Leaders of the international nondenominational Christian ministry hold that new believers must declare their decision first - by acknowledging their sin and their desire to accept Jesus as savior - before they can be admitted into God's family.

McSwain, a former high school history teacher with advanced degrees in theology, has another notion. He believes everyone belongs to God, and an individual decision will follow later.

"It's amazing what happens when you give a person belonging on the front end," said McSwain. "It provides a safe place for them to feel they can look at their sinfulness and shortcomings without it being a deal-breaker."

In part, this realization came to him from his experience with developmentally disabled people who may not be able to grasp the intricacies of the faith's teachings.

"Are we to have one gospel criteria for able-bodied, able-minded people and another for disabled people?" he asked.

McSwain concluded no.

Within a week of his firing, McSwain incorporated Reality Ministries as a nonprofit. About the same time, he noticed a "for sale" sign outside a red brick church at the corner of Gregson and Lamond. Its minister was about to sell the dying congregation's Romanesque building to a developer who wanted to raze it and build condominiums.

McSwain was able to persuade the minister to give him a few days to raise the money. One donor gave $100,000; another $250,000. Within days, the fledgling ministry was able to buy the building for $550,000 without a bank loan.

After the pews and the carpeting were pulled out, the floor of the old church was transformed into an all-purpose basketball court.

At one end of the court, the Reality staff hung a long colorful banner with the words "I am for you" in capital letters.

"We want young persons to know we are for them - for their mental, physical and emotional well-being," said McSwain. "The reason we are for them is that God is for them."

McSwain knows not everyone who comes to the Reality Center has a Christian background. He doesn't push Christian programming on them and says it's not his policy to manipulate or pressure anyone.

Last year, McSwain hired Steve Larson, former elementary school director of the private Trinity School of Durham and Chapel Hill to run the educational programs. The center now offers three SAT prep classes in addition to tutoring and homework help.

At the Reality Center, teens roam the building together as though they own it.

And that has been a blessing for Jessyka Glatz, whose 21-year-old son, Luke, has Down syndrome. Every Tuesday, during a program for the disabled, Luke is greeted at the door with high-fives and paired with a buddy.

"There's no judging," said Glatz, who lives in Chapel Hill. "There's no sizing up or putting down. You get a message of God's love. Every teen needs this. It's a model."