Trust me on this, ladies. Your husband neither needs nor wants another necktie. First of all, it's just about the laziest gift you can get anyone - yes, it's worse than nothing at all - and second of all, just look at how infrequently homey wears that garish, handpainted number you got him last year.
You're welcome, fellas: I know few of you had the nerve to tell that to Sweet Thang yourself.
If you want to give a gift that'll mean a lot more to him and to others, try this: Turn on the light for people who've been living in darkness for, in some instances, their entire lives.
The Triangle Radio Reading Service, which provides news and information to blind or visually impaired people, is in danger of having its lights turned out - literally - because of the prolonged economic recession. If that happens, people like Charles Walker and Catherleen Thomas would find themselves in the dark. And alone.
"Blindness is a very isolating condition," Walker told me Monday, "and to have that station helps give us a sense of community and connectedness. We get to hear about other blind people in the state ... and to keep up with people we went to school with."
Walker attended the Governor Morehead School for the Blind from kindergarten until the third grade, which is when his glaucoma improved and he was able to go to public school. He lost his sight for good in 1988 and has been listening to the reading service since then.
Thomas, who taught kindergarten at the Morehead School for 36 years - "That was the love of my life," she told me - said the reading service allows her "to get information that I wouldn't be able to get otherwise... It means I'm able to keep up and be conversant with what's going on."
Walker, who recently received his Ph.D in education from N.C. State University, said he listens to Triangle Radio online and through podcast.
That is good in many ways, but it is not good for TRRS's bottom line. Linda Ornt, director since 1997, said some local governments will only contribute "if we can count the noses of every person who listens to our programming. If they're listening on cable TV or podcast, we can't tell you exactly who's listening."
Ornt said this isn't the first financial crisis the nonprofit organization has seen, but the current one is unprecedented.
"Oh yes, by far" this is the worst one, she said. "We've had a couple of tough years before, but I've never seen such a deep, down extended period."
If you contribute to Triangle Radio Reading Service in lieu of giving some pointless gift that'll soon be forgotten, Ornt said TRRS will send a holiday card to the person in whose name the donation was made. The address is 211 Six Forks Road, Suite 103, Raleigh, NC 27609.
Oh yeah, fellas. Instead of that politically incorrect mink stole or superfluous diamond ring Sweet Thang wants to find under the tree, why not donate that money to TRRS, where it'll really do some good?
If she doesn't like it, tell her I told you to do it. Of course, you can't come stay with me after she puts you out, though.
