Tips for grandparents hosting their kids and grandkids over the holidays:
Children are unbelievably quick at getting into stuff - trying out scissors on a tablecloth, climbing onto countertops, spotting pills that look like candy by grandma's bed.
If possible, get down low and look at all of the things you may have out on the countertops or stored in low drawers, says safety expert Meri-K Appy, president of the nonprofit Home Safety Council. Household items, such as prescriptions, matches and lighters, even cosmetics, can pose serious risks to young children. Store them out of reach or out of sight. If in a cabinet or drawer, make sure to use a child-safety latch.
Safety Council advice:
Pick up and put away all small items such as buttons, coins and jewelry, before children visit.
Window blind cords should not have a loop, or place them high out of reach.
Make sure your medicines and cleaning products have child-safety caps.
Put emergency numbers by your phones, including the National Poison Control Hotline, 800-222-1222.
In a busy kitchen during the holidays, cooks need to keep watch over their food while it's on a stovetop.
Delegate. Little kids love to fold napkins or get an out-of-the-way sweeping job with a small broom. They love the chance to sift, stir and bake with grandma. When everyone pitches in, the grandkids learn about family traditions.
Now you can move on to the emotional work of creating more pleasant family visits:
Young parents struggling to find their way are often slammed with opinions from all corners. A grandparent's willingness to let these young parents be parents paves the way for open relationships. Unwelcome advice puts parents on the defensive.
Parents need to make clear boundaries, says Bonnie Harris, author of "Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids," (Adams Media, $12.95, 2008). Remember you cannot change others; you can only change yourself. Harris, whose Web site is bonnie harris.com , writes the Connective Parenting Newsletter.
Barbara Graham, a grand parents.com columnist, is the editor of the anthology, "Eye of My Heart: 27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother" (Harper, $24.99, 2009).
On book tours, Graham has found the hot-button topic to be the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. To smooth the way, she writes:
"Let go of your expectations about how things should be and work with the way things are."
"Mothers-in-law, respect your daughter-in-law's parenting style - even if you don't agree with it."
