Couple doubts SIDS finding

It's been 15 years since Sherie and Frank Bradshaw's baby daughter died unexpectedly in her sleep.

The cause of death was listed as SIDS - sudden infant death syndrome - a natural, unpreventable phenomenon.

But the Bradshaws have come to question that diagnosis.

It was 10 days before Christmas, and Sherie Bradshaw hadn't slept much. On top of holiday preparations, 2-month-old Catherine was breast-feeding every two or three hours. On Dec. 15, 1994, Bradshaw fed the baby about 1:30 a.m., and they fell asleep side-by-side in the master bedroom of the family's south Charlotte home. Before drifting off, Bradshaw placed Catherine in the middle of the bed inside a foam-rubber device called a "wedge," designed to keep the baby on her side, one of the recommended sleeping positions at the time.

About five hours later, Bradshaw woke up because it was past feeding time.

Panic rising, she pulled back the down comforter and blankets to reach for Catherine. She was face down, cold and stiff.

Bradshaw screamed.

Frank Bradshaw, who had slept that night with their 4-year-old daughter Morgan, came running down the hall.

He grabbed Catherine, tried CPR and called 911.

He remembers his words to the dispatcher: "Our baby suffocated in bed."

The autopsy showed Catherine died of SIDS.

It meant a medical examiner had ruled out abuse and other causes and that Catherine's death was no one's fault.

Even before Catherine died, the Bradshaws had many discussions about whether the baby should sleep in their adult bed.

Frank Bradshaw thought it was unsafe. "I said 'I don't think that's a good idea.' ... I didn't trust myself. I'm a restless sleeper."

He also worried that his wife might accidentally roll over on the baby. She had slept through the roaring winds of Hurricane Hugo in 1989. "I think the fire alarm could go off and she would not wake up," he said.

So, when she insisted on breast-feeding in their bed, Frank Bradshaw would leave the room and go down the hall to sleep in Morgan's bed.

Sherie Bradshaw took the question to the family pediatrician, who reassured her that co-sleeping was normal and that parents had been doing so for generations.

"It didn't seem like an experiment," she said. "It seemed fairly natural, an accommodation to the fatigue of breast-feeding."

At the time, she was a marketing representative for Presbyterian Hospital's women's and children's services. She had bought the "wedge" because experts said it was safer for babies to sleep on their sides than on their stomachs. She chose to breast-feed Catherine, after bottle-feeding Morgan, because it was supposed to be better for the baby.

"I worked in maternity," she said. "I thought I had done everything right."

The 'mystery killer'

After Catherine died, Sherie Bradshaw became a leader in the Charlotte chapter of the SIDS Alliance, a support group for parents. And she learned all she could about SIDS, the so-called "mystery killer."

She attended conferences around the country, and learned that some babies are at high risk for SIDS because they have immature brain stems. They don't get signals to rouse themselves from sleep when their breathing passages are blocked.

She was relieved to hear one speaker say that a mother's intuition would prevent her from rolling over and suffocating her baby.

But when she went to work for a Charlotte physician who specialized in sleep disorders, she was surprised to learn that drowsiness can be as dangerous as drunkenness when it comes to driving and other tasks that require close attention.

"Sleep deprivation mocks inebriation," she said. "And what are all parents? You're sleep-deprived. Your response time isn't as good."

In 1994, when Catherine was born, the "Back to Sleep" campaign had just begun, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended that babies sleep on their backs or their sides, though side-sleeping is no longer recommended.

Over the next decade, the message focused more on "safe sleep environments." Experts said it was risky for adults to sleep with babies or for babies to sleep amid fluffy bedding.

Sherie Bradshaw remembered that her bed was "full of blankets and comforters and pillows" on the night Catherine died. "I almost had to dig to find her."

She began to wonder.

"Could I have possibly unintentionally suffocated my child? I think I could have."

Moving on

Sherie Bradshaw will never know for sure what happened. But she has tried to move on. "I have had to forgive myself," she said.

Two years after Catherine died, the Bradshaws had a third child. Pierce wore a monitor when he slept. Just to be sure, Frank Bradshaw spent most nights in Pierce's nursery, sleeping on the floor beside his crib, waking intermittently to touch the baby's chest to feel him breathing.

To this day, Frank Bradshaw has trouble sleeping at night.

"I equate nighttime with bad things happening," he said. "When my family's asleep, I'm awake. When they're all awake, I can go to sleep."

He doesn't talk about Catherine's death as much as his wife does. But if asked, he tells parents not to sleep with their babies.

He's convinced Catherine became entangled in the blankets.

"Maybe she was a SIDS baby, but the blankets contributed to it," he said. "If she was in the crib, I don't think that would have been an issue. It's just unfortunate. It was an accident."

Mementos

Today, the Bradshaws visit Catherine's grave twice a year, on her birthday, Oct. 21, and on the day of her death, Dec. 15.

Her baby picture sits next to those of Morgan and Pierce on a bedside table in the Bradshaw's bedroom.

Every so often, Sherie Bradshaw reaches under the bed and pulls out a wooden chest, built by her father after Catherine died. She opens the lid and runs her hand over each of the mementos inside - Catherine's birth and death certificates, the Charlotte Observer on the day she was born, a pink and white afghan, an orange bodysuit she wore on Halloween, a green velvet Christmas dress and red tights, a picture of Catherine and Morgan with Santa.

She reads aloud from a story printed in pencil on wide-lined paper. Morgan, now 20, wrote it 10 years ago, recounting the night "me and my dad woke up by a terrifying scream."

Pierce, now 13, never met Catherine, but he gives her credit for his sheer existence. If she had not died, he might not have been born.

Today, Sherie Bradshaw takes every opportunity to talk to other parents about safe sleeping places for their babies.

"I don't think an adult bed is safe for any baby to sleep in," she said. "A baby needs to be by themselves, on their back, nothing else in the crib and nobody else in the crib."