Asher Edelstein had four grandchildren, but he was like a "Papa" to many more.
A longtime resident of Raleigh, Edelstein dedicated much of his retirement to tutoring teenage boys and girls at Beth Meyer Synagogue as they prepared for their bar and bat mitzvah. He motivated them with orange soda and candy bars, basketball and golf, helping them find fun in the rigorous preparation for this Jewish rite of passage, which includes lengthy readings in Hebrew.
After Edelstein's death in May at 88, several of his students wrote about their time with him. Matthew Oberhardt recalled:
"His voice charged off into a string of Hebrew, Southern accent bleeding through the language barrier to create a feeling of home. This was our Hebrew, the Hebrew of the South. Perhaps nowhere else on earth could one hear such beautiful foreign words so uniquely, utterly and unerringly familiar."
"We read troped scrip [part of learning Hebrew] back and forth for awhile, him keeping a careful ear on my tone, me just savoring the sugary sweetness I'd just devoured. This was definitely the best way possible to learn a Haftarah portion."
Said Rabbi Eric Solomon of Beth Meyer, "Asher was the grandfather, the zayde, of our synagogue. He literally raised a generation of children in the Jewish tradition."
He love basketball too
Decades before, Edelstein had been born in Atlanta to a particularly devout Jewish father as the son of Russian immigrants. Raised along with five siblings in a strict Orthodox home, Edelstein's love for Judaism was second only to his love of basketball. He would sneak out to play whenever possible, said his daughter Judi Margulies, and eventually he went on to become a scholarship player at Georgia Tech.
During World War II, Margulies said, he joined the Navy, where he played on an exhibition basketball team that entertained other troops. When Edelstein returned to Atlanta, he married Doris Anne Kaufman, who would be his wife for 48 years.
It was basketball and an opportunity in sales for Zep Manufacturing Co. that drew Edelstein to Raleigh.
"Asher was most impressed with Raleigh, a very clean, vibrant and progressive town which offered a wonderful quality of life, outstanding schools for his daughters and the best college basketball anywhere in the country," Margulies wrote in her remarks for his funeral.
He quickly found Beth Meyer, and the Edelsteins became involved in the synagogue. Asher Edelstein served on the board, as president, and as head of the fundraising committee for the education wing.
A great listener
His work meant travel, so he was often out of town overnight, and out of the house many mornings by 4 a.m. to be on the road. Margulies said that meant her mother was often the disciplinarian and the one providing adult supervision.
"[He] was like having another child in the house," she said. But her father was a great listener, and helped her explore her love of horses, stretching the family's finances to buy her a bay gelding named Big Red, and later a half-Arabian named Irresistible.
"It was my passion, and he indulged me in that way," she said.
Eric Margulies said his grandfather shared a passion for golf with him and always wanted to know how everyone he cared about was doing. He wanted to know more than just how things were going, however.
"He always asked if they were happy," Margulies said. "He was the person when you walked in the room who made you feel at home."
Ami Estreicher grew up in New York, seeing her grandparents occasionally during the year, but came south to UNC-Chapel Hill for college.
"It was a very special time for me," she said. "All of a sudden, I got this relationship with them I hadn't had."
That included regular trips to her grandparents' home to do laundry, but also bringing friends from school to celebrate the Jewish holidays. Even though her own children are years from their bar and bat mitzvahs, her grandfather had already starting talking to her about helping them prepare, a process that for years had involved having the students listen to him reading on cassette tapes and then practice what they'd heard.
"Ever since they could talk he'd say, 'You've got to get me that cassette tape,'" she recalled.
Teaching the rabbi
Around the synagogue, Edelstein's presence continued to be felt in many ways. He had a beautiful voice and could lead many of the prayers from memory.
"He loved to pray and to pray with song," said Solomon. "God is happy to have that kind of member of God's choir."
Edelstein also helped the transplanted Northern rabbi transition to Raleigh.
"He taught me a lot about being a Southern Jew, what it means to be proud to be Jewish here if you're in the minority," Solomon said. "Caring about the next generation even if they aren't yours."
Helping tutor young people as they approached a critical step in their faith pulled together many of the things Edelstein did best and cared about most, and following his retirement, he worked with dozens.
"He loved being with the teenagers. And he connected with them through golf or basketball," said Amy Ripps, the synagogue's director of religious school and youth programs. "He really took every kid where they were and bonded with them. He was a natural educator. It just came from his love."
Edelstein is survived by his two daughters, two sisters, four grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. The family requests memorial donations to the Capital Campaign of Beth Meyer in Raleigh.
