Everybody needs some WAM, but this is ridiculous.
No, wait. You don't need to send the kids out of the room. WAM is nothing obscene. It stands for Walking Around Money, and it's what people in certain neighborhoods know instinctively to keep in their pocket in case some pistol-pullin' dude demands tribute of you for walking the street.
The amount of WAM you carry should be enough to satisfy a robber and keep him from popping a cap in you out of frustration and anger - can you imagine anything more infuriating than robbing a clyde and finding out that what you heard jingling in his pocket was just a nickel and a nail? - but the man who went shopping at New Hope Commons in Durham last week took the concept to a dangerous extreme.
Durham police weren't giving out a whole lot of information on the well-heeled Walmart shopper who carefully unloaded his shopping cart full of Funyuns, paper towels and tube socks but somehow left a sack with $36,000 in it.
Police did release a subsequent statement saying the man got most - but not all - of the money back.
Around the same time, Durham cops released a report of an armed robbery on June 29, this time on East Geer Street. The victim said he was relieved of $3,000 cash.
Say what? Since when did everyone start walking around with enough lettuce to stock the salad bar at a vegetarian diner?
Having been a victim of armed robbery twice - once when I was about 12 and the teenage thug bopped me across the back of the neck with the cast he wore on his arm because I only had 15 cents - I can attest to the importance of carrying enough money to mollify a larcenous lout.
The second time I was robbed, my buddy Walter and I were leaving a party in Atlanta around 3 a.m., hours after getting paid. The gunman was so pleased with his take that when I pleaded for him to "let me have a 20 to walk with," he dropped a Jackson on the ground and fled.
Who carries big bucks?
I asked Durham police spokeswoman Kammie Michael whether everyone is walking around with enough money to pay for an organ transplant.
Michael said, "The Police Department does occasionally get reports from people who say they have been robbed of large amounts of cash. There have been cases when officers have been skeptical of the amount of cash reported stolen. The Police Department encourages people to put their cash in a bank and not carry large amounts."
Sound advice - unless you grew up during the Great Depression and are skeptical of banks or you're one of those Latinos who Michael said have been targeted "because it was suspected that they were carrying large amounts of cash." Some people who are undocumented workers are afraid to open checking accounts, which makes them, in the eyes of stickup men, walking ATMs.
That's why we should all remember the WAMPUM rule: Walking Around Money Prevents Unnecessary Mayhem.
