Winning the war on bugs

I was in the garage when I heard the scream. I knew the sound the way you know your child's cry. Because this was my child! I rushed in and found her shrieking and shaking.

"Huge roach! Huge roach!" She kept repeating, eyes fixed on the kitchen trash under the sink. I told her to calm down, then jumped onto the kitchen table.

Some of the roaches in Florida are so big they need leashes.

My 15-year-old daughter just moved here from Denver. Denver has no bugs. They can't climb that high. I'd warned Marissa about Florida, about its bugs and alligators, which are hard to tell apart.

Folks in Florida are pretty blasé about both.

"Oh, yeah, the alligators," they say, as if you've brought up garden lizards. "Just don't bother a mom by her nest, and you'll be fine."

"How can you tell the females?"

"They're angry."

One local did offer this advice: "If one comes at you, run zigzag."

Noted.

Roaches also come with the territory. When I told fellow reporters that I'd seen roaches in my recycle bin and had to call 911, they waved me off like a gnat. Then a few of them sent me the name of their bug service, which everyone has, like everyone has a dentist.

The morning after the kitchen roach sighting, a roach joined me in the shower. I called my landlord, who reacted with the urgency of a burned-out police dispatcher responding to a caller whose dog got loose. She'd "work on it," she said.

I can't believe the apathy. So I called someone who gets paid to care. Missy Henrikson heads consumer affairs for the National Pest Management Association in Fairfax, Va.

"All pests are looking for three things: Food, water and shelter," she said.

"My home has all those."

"Some are a nuisance and ruin food; others pose a health threat and can trigger asthma or spread disease. Others sting, and some, such as termites, do structural damage."

"Will the one that found my kitchen trash tell his friends?"

"If you see one, you can bet there are more."

That does it. I'm planning to evict. Meanwhile, I'll run zigzag.

If you're like me and have zero pest tolerance, here are some tips from Henrikson and the National Pest Management Association:

You are not alone. In America, 63 percent of homes have detectable evidence that cockroaches have been there.

Block access. Caulk cracks, repair tears in screens, replace worn weather-stripping and keep doors closed.

Close the bar. Bugs love a leaky faucet. Look under sinks and at connections for dishwashers and washing machines to be sure they're dry. Outside, don't let water in rain gutters stagnate or puddles sit. Mosquitoes love standing water.

Don't offer meals. Clean up crumbs and spills quickly. Wipe off sticky bottles before putting them away. Store pantry food in closed packages or sealed containers. Don't let dishes pile up.

Manage your trash. Take it out often, and keep it sealed. Use receptacles with lids. Rinse cans and bottles before putting them into the trash.

Repel them. To discourage mosquito bites, cover up. When outside, avoid shorts, short sleeves, loose-fitting garments, dark colors, open shoes and perfume. Wear insect repellent with DEET.

Work with a pro. Be sure the pest-control operator you hire is state-licensed.

Act fast. If a bug gets through your best defenses, don't ignore the problem. It will only get worse. So nip it quick.

Pick your poison. All products that licensed exterminators use are approved by the Environmental Protection Agency. Professionals are trained to use the smallest amount of poison in the right concentration necessary to solve the problem. When homeowners spray pesticides, they often use too much. "They have a more is better mentality, which can harm people and pets," Henrikson said.

Be vigilant. Do your part, and let professionals do theirs. "It's possible to prevent pests from being a regular part of your life," she assured me. Even when you live in Florida.