RAY BLACK III
Nathan Staub talks with coach David Christian as Christian leads Broughton High School's cross country team in stretches for a morning run at Umstead Park in Raleigh. Parents have a role to play in their children's sports, too.
As school approaches and a busy round of athletic seasons - from football to soccer to cross-country - begins, parents face a variety of concerns as their student athletes hit the playing field.
More often than not, says Jeremy Boone of Charlotte, author of "Parenting Your Best," those questions have less to do with their children getting hurt than how they can help make playing a sport a fulfilling experience for their children.
Sports parenting is a skill," says Boone, who is also the founder of Athletes by Design, a sports consulting firm, and works with the Carolina Panthers in the off-season. "It's about influence, not control. It's about being non judgmental, yet accountable and responsible."
1. Agree on what competition means to you and your kids.
A good starting point for discussing competition should start with students looking at sports differently: "Instead of thinking of it as you vs. them, look at it as you vs. you," Boone says. Start with looking at how you compete with yourself. "What's the best you can bring today for yourself?"
2. Determine your core values.
"Do you believe in hard work? Trust? Honesty? Create a litmus test of values that your son or daughter must be willing to be accountable for." If they show those values in practice and games, says Boone, it helps everyone define whether the season is a success.
3. Be honest with your praise.
False praise benefits no one. Instead, use a strikeout, say, as an opportunity to "build better decision makers, to build their self-awareness and encourage self-reflection. Ask, "If you could hit the rewind button, what would you have done differently? What would you do next time?"
4. Am I encouraging or pushing?
"I have a real simple litmus test for that," says Boone. "If for five days straight the family conversation at dinner is about the kid's sport, you're pushing them too much. Make (dinner) an off-limits time to talk sports unless they bring it up."
5. 'I want to quit.'
"Nine times out of 10 it's because of some damaged relationship on the team, with the coach, another teammate," Boone says. This is a life lesson in the making, Boone says: Work together to identify the real issue, then talk about ways to deal with it.
6. Remember to respect the coach.
When you feel the need to talk with a coach about an issue involving your child, keep one thing in mind, says Boone: "They make the final decisions. They are the CEO."
"Where most parents go wrong is they start with blasting the coach with their opinion about what's wrong, what needs to be fixed. No coach is going to listen to that," Boone says.
Rather, request a meeting and be clear about the topic and objective. The goal is to get the coach's perspective on whatever the issue is. "If your intention is to manipulate the coach for better opportunities for your child," cautions Boone, "you're lost, you're done."
