You might wonder what kind of wing nut would join Weight Watchers for the first time exactly 10 days before Thanksgiving. A sensible person would wait until Jan. 2, when beloved holiday treats like jam thumbprint cookies, peanut butter blossoms, sand dunes, homemade coconut cake, rum balls, spiced pecans and those delectable sausage-cheese balls aren’t around to tempt and torment a dieter.
Yeah, you’d think that committing to a diet program before Thanksgiving would be a terrible idea.
And it was. Mostly because I’ve become obsessed with how many Weight Watchers “points” are in a particular food. More turkey? Sure, that’s just 5 points. Stuffing? You crazy? That could use up all my weekly 49 “bonus points” allotment.
Of course, I joined Weight Watchers because it works. Everyone says so. Look at new WW spokeswoman Jessica Simpson. That is, look at her in the roughly eight weeks she managed not to be pregnant.
Some days, I don’t even know why I joined. After all, I can still fit into my high school … car.
Because my weight loss goal is about 15 pounds, I have to admit I was hoping that I’d get a few “But you don’t need to do that’s.” Instead, as I announced to everyone (including the supermarket meat department guy who wears a hairnet over his beard) that I had joined WW, they said, to a person, “Oh, yeah? Good for you.” Not a single: “But you don’t need to do thaaaat!” A few offered that exercise would also be useful.
Indeed it is. A couple of weeks ago, I announced that I would be walking for a good cause. Friends rallied to support me. A few actually pulled out their checkbooks to offer support. So what’s it gonna be, they asked.
“No, no and no,” I responded. “I’m walking for wine.”
Because in Weight Watchers land, a glass of wine will cost you 4 points. A brisk 30-minute walk will earn you about 4 points. Therefore, yes, I am walking for wine.
Don’t judge me.
While I have great faith in the Weight Watchers program, I’ll admit it can turn you into a colossal bore as you excitedly tell others about your New Lifestyle.
“You sure you want that?” I asked a pal who was reaching for a brownie. “It’s 18 points according to the WW mobile app right here on my phone. Look! I even downloaded the barcode scanner so I can manage points on everything in the supermarket! And what’s more …”
Whoa. Where’d she go?
I’m fairly certain that I’ll be Major Holiday Buzzkill once I tell everybody exactly how many points are in that eggnog (32).
And while others will fret about the fiscal cliff, I think we all know that the real looming crisis is whether or not I can have unlimited roasted vegetables despite the sugar content in beets.
The stress of it all makes me want to go for a walk. Wink wink.