In My Opinion

What a cute drawl, y’all

November 30, 2013 

Well, roll me up and call me curly, sugah. A recent survey of 2,000 singles found that the sexiest accent in North America belongs to the Southern woman. A whoppin’ 45 percent of male respondents said they preferred a Southern accent above all others. Not to brag, but these findings do not surprise me in the leastest. After all, even Sir Winston Churchill famously said that “the most beautiful voice in the world is that of an educated Southern woman.”

Cupid.com spent considerable time and effort to find out whose accent is more melodious on the ear. Not everyone agreed, of course. The “New York accent” described as fast-talking “like Robert Downey Jr.” was favored by 16.5 percent and the New Jersey and Canadian accents tied for 7 percent of the “sexiest accent” votes. Fuhgedabootit, I guess.

Although I am personally honored by the findings and feel a near-irresistible compulsion to make an impromptu Miss Americalike speech thanking all the “lil payple,” I don’t honestly believe that you should rule out anyone based on accents. If you really, truly love someone you shouldn’t consider a little sump’n like the occasional dropped G to be a deal breaker. That would be shallow of y’all.

Yes, y’all. A perfectly wonderful contraction that I’m told is heard less often even in my native North Carolina. There’s also, and this makes me evah so depressed, less of a “Southern vowel shift” particularly in the middle of my fair state where Yankees, er, folks from the North, have moved en masse to work. Their chirren grow up here in the company of other transplanted chirren and, next thing you know, Uncle Jed’s a millionaire. No, no. Next thing you know, the Southern accent has disappeared faster than cold butter on a hot biscuit.

Nother words, there is powerful evidence that fewer Southerners are saying “height” for hate or “Dayed” for Dad, according to linguistic experts at N.C. State University in a story written up by the (Raleigh) News & Observer.

This all makes me sayed indeed.

Of course there were plenty of comments from the misguided and misinformed following the release of Cupid.com’s findings. Online comments made repeated (and unspeakably annoying) references to how Southern women sound like “uneducated hillbillies” what with all that drawling and simpering.

Oh, hush up. You’re just jealous.

Just because a woman speaks with a soft drawl doesn’t mean that her brain is just a sad little soft-boiled egglike thing rattling around in a noggin filled with nothing but buttermilk pie recipes, tips on growing camellias and rules for attending the debutante ball. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those things.

The Southern woman doesn’t have to speak fast or loud to prove her intelligence. Quite the opposite. So have a seat on the die-van and set a spell. Listen and learn. We will gently change your mind and rid you of your silly preconceived notions.

I swanee we will.

rivenbark.com

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