Chill, homes. This is not another column eviscerating Donald Sterling, the owner of the L.A. Clippers basketball team and alleged racist real estate mogul and slumlord.
This isnt even another column lampooning the Los Angeles Chapter of the NAACP, which was fixing to bestow yet another Lifetime Achievement Award upon Sterling.
People have been criticizing the local chapter of the organization since its chummy relationship with Sterling came out after a tape of Sterlings odious conversation with his girlfriend, V. Stiviano, became public. Can somebody get that woman some vowels?
Howd he do that?
Its hard for me, a man whose life has been bereft of distinction or notable achievement, to conceive how Sterling received not one Lifetime Achievement Award from the group but two.
Verily I say unto you, was he born again and lived equally exemplary lives both times?
Judging by the lawsuits, settlements and his recently publicized comments, his first life hasnt been all that exemplary.
Thats of no consequence to the L.A. NAACP.
Its neighbor chapter, in Hollywood, makes some questionable decisions, too. It once nominated the late rapper Tupac for its Image Award. Heckuva rapper, but his lifestyle as exemplified in his music was not one the organization shouldve been extolling.
That chapter also condemned the movie The Color Purple for its noxious portrayals of black men and then turned around and criticized the Academy Awards when the movie it vilified didnt win an Oscar. It also presented an award to Whoopi Goldberg for her performance in the movie.
Holy smokes. Despite theirinconsistencies and moral duplicitousness, I come not to bury these NAACP chapters, but to praise them and possibly to steal a page from their fundraising manual.
Rich racists, call me
Because it appears that the L.A. NAACP chapter was a willing foil in Sterlings attempt to buy his way out of bad publicity, Im figuring there must be other wealthy racists out there whod like to do the same, especially if theres a pending racial discrimination lawsuit as there was with Sterling when he bought his first lifetime achievement award.
Thats where I come in. If you are a virulent racist who happens to be rich and who needs to have a good deed to flaunt in court, hit me up.
Ill send over some blacks and browns, possibly even some yellows and reds, to add some color so that your otherwise monochromatic high-society soirees can be displayed in court as evidence of your commitment to diversity. Ill even send some to sit on your side of the courtroom during your discrimination trial.
Concerned looks and furrowed brows are included. If you want them to softly hum an old Negro spiritual while rocking back and forth, thatll cost extra.
Just make the check out to Co-opted AfroAmericans, So Hush. Thats C.A.S.H., for short.
Speaking of holy smoke, in the Catholic Church, people with enough money at one time could get absolution for their sins by purchasing what are called indulgences.
Thats right: Hand over enough cheddar, and your sin-laden slate could be wiped clean. Sterling apparently thought the NAACP had the power to wipe his slate clean. Thats why, on second thought, youd better write the check to Bought Indulgences, Got Out of Trouble. Just make that bad boy out to B.I.G.O.T.