Saunders:There's only one thing men need to know when it comes to establishing paternity in court: You're danged if you do, daddy if you don't.

Barry Saunders:So, we've got enough cops in Durham that we can just throw a couple of them away?

Saunders:Come on, baby. It's been all over the newspapers and TV.

Saunders:Whether or not the pictures on the side of the truck parked at Mount Zion Christian Church will stop someone from having an abortion is questionable.

Saunders:The feature that stood out most on the 2008 Rolls Royce the salesman allowed me to sit in recently wasn't the luxuriously carpeted floor mats or the buttery-soft leather.

Saunders:Who'd have thought that a former Ku Klux Klansman-turned U.S. senator endorsing a black dude for the presidency wouldn't even be May's strangest racial news?

As memorials go, even roadside memorials, it wasn't much.

Saunders:Who says President Bush doesn't believe in shared sacrifice? Following the 9/11 attacks, the president galvanized a nation hungry for leadership by urging us all to -- uh, go shopping?

Saunders:So, how'd you spend your lunch hour?

Saunders:The only thing missing was the bare brick wall in front of which stand-up comedians do their thing.

Saunders:Say, Governor. I wouldn't mind paying a sin tax if I could just find some sin worth taxing.

Barry Saunders:If you can still afford to drive along, say, Interstate 85, you've seen one of the saddest sights known to man: Highway Patrol cruisers sitting by the side of the road with nobody in them.

Saunders:It wasn't exactly a "Let them eat cake" moment, but -- hey, who are we kidding? That's exactly what it was.

Saunders:A lot of people have told me they wish their grandparents, many of whom had been denied the right to vote, were around to witness what happened Tuesday in voting booths across North Carolina.

Saunders:Be honest, fellas. How many of you have ever heard a judge say in response to your protests, "If you feed him long enough, he'll look like you"?

OK, here's one for you to ponder. Fella goes into a carwash riding a horse.

Saunders:Mark my words, Tar Heel residents. We're fixing to witness the dawning of a new era of civility and lawfulness on North Carolina roads.

Saunders:Forget Disneyland. The "hap-hap-happiest place on Earth" was right here in the Johnston County town of Four Oaks.

Barry Saunders:There's only one way to slow dance with a porcupine. Verrrry carefully. The board of trustees at N.C. Central University needs to heed that instruction.

Saunders:As a desperate, perpetually broke newspaper publisher in the 1980s, I was offered jobs as, among other things, a porn actor, a convenience store clerk and a taxicab driver.