This field is in profound need of dedicated, trained professionals. The e-mail subject line -- that short collection of words that seeks to entice you to open an e-mail message -- has evolved into an art form. The sender has our attention for just a moment or two, which means the words in the subject line are critical. But most subject lines aren't art. They seem to have been written by people who have neither brush nor paint nor talent. They're drawing stick figures. With the wrong hand.

The bar needs to be raised. Review these real-life subject lines culled from my own recent e-mail offerings on a single day and judge for yourself:

"Almost any perscriptions." Yessirree. Nothing says "quality control" like misspelling the most important word in the subject line. Let me know if you plan to buy mail-order medications from this company. I'm going to want to take out a life insurance policy on you. Deleted without opening.

"fgxzlq." Remember the character in the old Superman comics whose name was Mr. Mxyzptlk? I think this e-mail was meant for him. It couldn't be for me. I have vowels in my name and in my everyday language. Deleted without opening.

"Is that your TAN?" No. Is that your best COME-ON? Deleted without opening.

"Life found on Mars." Hmmm. Mars is much in the news these days, thanks to those little devices that are crawling around up there and sending back photos. But would I hear about this important discovery via spam? Not likely. The Drudge Report would have it first, with an added explanation of how John Kerry slept with this alien life form. Deleted without opening.

"Important information for pregnant women." Surely I don't have to explain why this one went unopened. Target your message, people.

"Interdict sauerkraut brother." This is gibberish, of course, but with the addition of a comma between the second and third words, I would have opened it. I despise sauerkraut. Intercepting it at the border seems like a fine idea, my brother.

"Maniacal caveman fatuous ghastly inelegant." This is also gibberish, but it's some of the highest-quality gibberish I've ever seen. It's almost poetic. I see this kind of subject line increasingly often, which makes me think that a spam mogul somewhere has created a program that generates them out of randomly selected words. A co-worker and I have become students of this genre of subject line. Her favorite so far is "humid purina exorbitant conclave iraq." I don't open these messages, but I always take a moment to admire the subject line. It's like being confronted by a surrealist painting -- it may baffle you, but it's usually interesting.

"[nothing]." OK, here's my basic rule regarding e-mail messages: If you can't be bothered to put something on the subject line that lets me know what the message is about, I can't be bothered to open it. Automatic deletion.

"Paris Hilton video." Ah. Finally, a subject line that works.

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