When in 2002, Deborah Siegel and Daphne Uviller met through a mutual friend they bonded easily. They were both writers, and women of about the same age. But there was something less tangible to tie them, too: They were "onlies," adults who had grown up without siblings.

Siegel, who grew up in Chicago, had mixed feelings about being an only child, sometimes feeling smothered by her parents, other times fearing leaving them behind. Uviller, a New Yorker, reveled in her status; her nightmare was that her mother might get pregnant.

The dueling characteristics of the only child -- lonely or independent? precocious or smart-mouthed? clingy or loyal? -- and the women's divergent perspectives, they decided, had the makings of a book.

"It has really existential implications," says Uviller. "You're the sole repository of your family's genetic material, the end of the line."

So, together, they edited "Only Child," a collection of 21 essays by various writers exploring the pleasures and paucity of a life without siblings. Among the contributors are Molly Jong-Fast, daughter of author Erica Jong; Rebecca Walker, daughter of Alice Walker; and silent trickster Teller (of Penn and Teller).

The book comes at a time when the number of single-child families is increasing. A Census Bureau report estimates that in 1990 there were about 13.5 million such families; that number rose to about 15 million by 2005. Women having children later, the divorce rate and the costs of child-rearing are among the most common factors social scientists believe have contributed to the trend.

Yet, even with the increase, for many, having one child still feels ... wrong. They think about the knowing glances, the bunk beds, even the turmoil borne from the shared experiences of siblings as the ideal. Not giving that experience to a child seems selfish.

"The family of four is still the media ideal," says Carolyn White, editor in chief of Only Child magazine and author of "The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child."

Raleigh resident Kim Almond has dealt with those emotions. Her daughter, she says, has sometimes wished for a brother or sister. Almond admits to wishing for it too. "I think she does miss out on that special relationship siblings have," she says.

Wanting a sibling doesn't consume her daughter, says Almond; because Almond and her husband separated when their daughter was 2, their small family is all the 12 1/2-year-old has known. Still, because Almond grew up with two sisters, she knows there are things she has to teach her daughter. "She and I both try to make sure she's aware of sharing," says Almond. "It's a more intentional act."

The trick is to find balance, she says. "That she's not missing out, but she's not God either."

Both Doris Batts-Murray and her husband grew up with seven other kids. Even now, the Raleigh physician ponders adoption to give her 15-year-old son a sibling. But her greatest concern is for the future. "One day, he'll have aging parents and I worry about him dealing with that as a solo child," she says.

Insiders' views

Those are some of the issues Uviller, 35, and Siegel, 37, wanted to get at with their book. Divided into four parts, the book's essays explore topics such as the struggle to build family not connected by blood, the quandary of onlies deciding how many children they should have and the fickleness of memory when you don't have a sibling with whom to share the past.

"We wanted to get the story from the inside, to get people who could speak about a qualitative experience," says Siegel.

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