If it weren't for that sweet, lovable robot trash compactor, Angelina Jolie would've been the queen of the box office last weekend.

Even though Disney and Pixar's latest computer-generated masterpiece "WALL*E" took the top spot, snapping up a whopping $63.1 million at the box office, "Wanted," the hyperviolent actioner starring Jolie, was right behind it, taking in $50.9 million.

I'm sure the idea of the sexiest woman on planet Earth locked-and-loaded, in a perpetual state of cap-busting, is what brought people to the multiplexes. But while that may sound enticing to some, it wasn't necessarily that big of a deal for me. Honest.

I may be the only man on the planet who feels this way, but seeing Angelina Jolie be her deadly, sexy self on the big screen isn't doing it for me like it used to. In my review of "Wanted" last Friday, I mentioned how she "steps into a role where she's such an unattainable, lethal bad girl (when she first appears, it's as if she materialized from another universe) that it's dang near a turnoff."

As the brutal-but-stunning Fox, Jolie plays another in a long line of vicious, vampy vixens whose aggression and attractiveness overwhelm just as much as they stimulate. As a culture, we've basically accepted that Jolie is a special kind of beautiful -- almost otherworldly, if you ask me. (Anytime Entertainment Weekly feels the need to plaster her blemish-free, possibly retouched face on the cover, you know she practically has us in the palm of her hand.) And she knows it, too. In movies, she's confident to the point of being a bit cocky about it. In "Wanted," she plants a slo-mo kiss on James McAvoy's character to shut up his insult-hurling girlfriend -- and it works. When your man gets smooched by someone who looks like Jolie, you've pretty much lost the war. I think a few actresses know all too well about that. (I know, I know -- cheap shot. Bygones.)

But while other actresses' sex appeal (like, let's say, Naomi Watts) can refreshingly sneak up on you, Jolie's appeal often jumps right out the gate and pummels you into submission. Whenever Jolie is on-screen, getting turned off is not an option. You can't even complain that she may come on too strong. And while she appears to be self-aware of her gorgeousness, she's hardly self-reflexive about it. Never have I've seen an actress treat her innate desirability with the utmost seriousness -- and she expects you to do the same. You must accept that you're in the presence of flawless, definitive glamour. And if you don't, there's something seriously wrong with you.

I'm not saying this is all Jolie's doing. This is mostly a collaborative effort, along with the directors who make it their priority to obsessively photograph the actress to the point of fetishism. (Don't even get me started on those boobalicious "Tomb Raider" movies!) But Jolie isn't just hitting us with the outer beauty. Oh no -- she's giving us inner beauty as well. Because Jolie seems to be a celebrity who is angling to be the next Mother Teresa, she has also taken on roles like the wife of a slain journalist in the true-life "A Mighty Heart" and the mother of a missing boy in Clint Eastwood's upcoming "Changeling," that exude the same kind of tireless nobility. So, when she's not playing a dangerous, desirable dame, she's playing a saintly, selfless savior. Either way, audiences should be in a perpetual state of awe.

Some of you might be saying right now that I'm being insecure and simply intimidated by a woman who brings grace, strength, intelligence and irresistible sexuality to every role she plays. And my response is, "Yeah, aren't you?"

Next page >

Get $150+ in coupons in every Sunday N&O. Click here for convenient home delivery.