As Mary Jane Watson, the devoted sweetheart to nerdy superhero Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), Dunst whines so much, you may walk out of the theater craving a bottle of Night Train.

Dunst isn't the only thing that takes the fun and excitement out of the first blockbuster of the summer. The third volume of the superhero-movie franchise is a clunky, bloated drag. It's as loaded as a Double Stuf Oreo -- but, sadly, nowhere near as delicious.

For part three, Parker does battle with a triumvirate of villains. First, he goes toe-to-toe with former buddy Harry Osborn (James Franco), who found all his old man's Green Goblin gear and decides to avenge his dad's death by taking down the man he thinks is responsible. Then, Spidey goes on his own personal vendetta by hunting down Sandman (a somber Thomas Haden Church), an escaped convict who literally fell into an experimental reactor and can now materialize from sand. Did I mention that the convict is the same dude who offed Parker's Uncle Ben? And last but not least, there's Venom (Topher Grace, channeling Michael Keaton), who is also Parker's arrogant-shutterbug nemesis Eddie Brock. He becomes a big bad after getting some of Spider-Man's black goo on him.

Oh, man, I almost forgot about the goo. Yeah, there's this alien goo that falls from the sky, latches on to Parker's Spider-Man suit, turning it jet-black and turning him into a vengeful, obnoxious menace.

Going for the belief that more is more this time around, director Sam Raimi packs this thing as if it's not only the final "Spider-Man" film, but his last film. The man, who co-wrote the script, clogs the movie with barely-there subplots, hysterical action sequences, pointless detours into comedy and just plain unnecessary stuff. So much is going on that every 30 minutes somebody spouts dialogue that mostly reminds the audience what has happened so far.

With the exception of Maguire, who looks as if he's enjoying being in a movie for the first time in his career, there's hardly a whiff of freshness in this installment. It's unfortunate, since the last "Spider-Man" film is still one of the best comic-book adaptations ever made. I had a gnawing suspicion that "Spider-Man 3" would pale in comparison. But, man, I didn't expect it to swing this far off! To quote Slim Pickens in "Blazing Saddles," I am depressed.