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Kellie's birth in 1986 seemed to unleash even more violence in their home. Malone said she called police so many times that officers knew her by name. Once, she said, her husband threw her through a glass shower door and choked her before vanishing. For three days, Malone said, she wrapped Kellie in blankets and hid her behind their bed, in case her husband returned in a rage.

Court and police records from these years are scattered and incomplete. Clyde Pickler was convicted of assault by pointing a gun in 1986; the victim was a family member of Malone's. Malone described the abuse as far back as 1988 in custody and divorce records.

Malone said she has never known her former husband to harm Kellie.

"He wouldn't," she said. "She's blood. His princess."

A fearful mother flees

By the summer of 1988, Malone had had enough. She had shut down and could think of little more than survival.

"When you're in that place, you have to make a decision: her life or yours," Malone said during an emotional five-hour interview. "I'd given her life, but I didn't want to lose mine."

The morning after an immobilizing beating, Malone said, she dropped 2-year-old Kellie off at her in-laws', stuffed a few items in her car and headed to Jacksonville to hide with family. She grabbed a few baby pictures, Kellie's baby blanket and the outfit she brought her home from the hospital in.

Malone told no one she was leaving.

A year later, Malone showed up at a custody hearing to try to preserve some custody rights to Kellie. Clyde Pickler's parents, Clyde Sr. and the late Faye Pickler, asked a judge for full guardianship. Malone said she disappeared again after her husband threatened her life if she reappeared.

Malone stayed gone for many years. She would drive by her former in-laws', though, and park near the road to catch a glimpse of Kellie playing in the yard. She looked happy, Malone recalled.

In 1995, Malone got herself together enough to reunite with her daughter. A judge granted her custody. Kellie was in the fourth grade.

Malone said it was good for about a day; the two baked cookies and played checkers.

Soon, their relationship unraveled. Malone said Kellie desperately longed for her grandparents. She threw fits and threatened to kill herself, Malone said. Kellie's grandparents alleged in court records that Malone abused Kellie; a judge found her not guilty of child abuse.

Eventually Malone surrendered, heartbroken. She turned Kellie back over to the Picklers and took off again.

"I don't know what was hardest," Malone said -- "watching her from afar or having her wrapped up beside me."

Apart for a decade

It has been 10 years since the two have met. Malone said she lived for the glimpses of her daughter on "American Idol" in 2006. She recorded each episode and watched it again and again. She raves about Kellie's voice.

In the years since they have parted, Malone has struggled. She said she survived a series of violent relationships and barely escaped with her life in 2002. An estranged husband lay in wait for her, Malone said, and attacked her. She suffered major brain damage and had to learn to walk and talk again. She has had eight surgeries to rebuild a shattered face and replace her teeth.

She fled to Colorado after that attack and changed her last name to Malone through a protection program for victims of domestic violence. She has kept a low profile since returning to North Carolina a few years ago. She lives in the Triangle and works in financial services but declined to be specific about her whereabouts. Malone is still wary one of her abusers will find her.

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