My father took care of my mother in her dementia for many years until in 2006 he could no longer manage. Then he telephoned me. "I can't get your mother up off the floor," he said. "She has fallen again." I drove to Southern Pines knowing I could not manage their care from a distance. We took Mom to Rex Hospital, where she was diagnosed with acute dementia and put in a nursing home for rehabilitation.

Meanwhile, Dad said he could not live alone. We decided to leave Mom in the nursing home until we settled him into a house in Raleigh called our "home hospital." He and I sold our homes and moved into the new space to care for Mom by activating her home health insurance.

Preparing the new house and moving took eight months. Finding certified nursing aides took weeks. Finding a day care for her was a challenge. My father was 85. He was healthy until a month before he died, two years later.

The experience of sharing a home to care for my parents was exhausting, exhilarating and wholly satisfying.

Who wouldn't want to pay back their parents for years of supportive attention? Who wouldn't want to know on a daily basis that their aged parents were all right?

Do I regret this project? No. Would I do it again? No. I have only enough energy and grace to do it once. It required great patience. When he sideswiped my car on the driveway, I decided to wait to get it repainted. When he killed the grass in spots, I looked the other way. I did, however, remove the mothballs he put in the vegetable garden.

Kathryn R. Johnson

Raleigh

Get $150+ in coupons in every Sunday N&O. Click here for convenient home delivery.