I do, I do, I do (hate to pay full price)

One January night, under a star-filled sky, my boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed. I happily accepted. And then I completely freaked out.

The thing that caused all of the angst was not the idea of dedicating myself to one person for the rest of my life. What got me all riled up was finding out the average cost of a wedding nowadays: about $28,000.

You've GOT to be kidding me.

I'm a coupon queen. I don't spend $28,000 on anything, short of a down payment on a house.

The thought of spending that much on a single day paralyzed me. For three weeks, I didn't do much of anything except bemoan my predicament to anyone who would listen.

I think my co-workers got a kick out of my rantings, which often included the query: "$28,000 -- Do you know how many 50-cent coupons that is?"

But once I gathered my money-saving wits about me, I found that it was indeed possible to save money on my wedding by applying my standard rules: make a list, make a budget, negotiate discounts, buy on sale, use coupons and never, never pay full price.

OK, to be honest, I did break the last rule.

Unfortunately, in Wedding Land, there are some things that don't come with discounts. I even splurged on a few items.

I justify the spending by telling myself that it is my wedding, after all.

But I'm glad to report that where I didn't splurge, I scrimped.

And they DO have coupons for wedding dresses. You just have to know where to look.

We're now about four months from our October wedding, and I feel confident saying that if you keep your head on straight, it is possible to plan a day that is meaningful and costs a lot less than $28,000.

I'm spending less than half that on mine, and it's going to be fantastic.

SPARE NO EXPENSE -- ON SOME THINGS

Now before you think I'm chastising people who drop a year's tuition on their weddings, let me say that I understand how you could spend that much.

If you invite 400 people and insist that your napkins match your hair accessories, it's going to cost you.

Of course, if your folks are picking up the tab and have given you a big blank check, go nuts.

But if you're footing the bill -- as a growing number of couples are -- think carefully about how much one day is worth.

Because many young people are still grappling with student loans, car loans and credit card debt, we need to think long-term about what the best use of our money will be.

The best advice I got was to figure out what is most important and splurge on those items. The key is splurging only on those items.

For us, the important things were the venue and the food. We booked the Sarah P. Duke Gardens in Durham, and we hired Catering Works to do everything from cocktails to cake.

We went crazy with the menu, selecting many delicious things, including tuna steaks and Jack Daniels pork tenderloin.

The menu and the gardens account for more than 60 percent of our budget. But that's OK, because the place and the food are the things I think people remember most.

CUTTING BACK

Because we splurged on the food and the place, we made sacrifices everywhere else. I think we were largely successful.

The first thing I would recommend is making a spreadsheet or list that details each item and what you think it will cost, including a big, fat grand total at the bottom. This forces you to get serious quickly and look for ways to trim.

Here are several things we did to cut costs:

* Cut the guest list. We wanted a more intimate wedding, and the thought of multiplying all our expenses by 200 made me feel a bit ill.

* Find things you can do without. You do not need everything the wedding industry wants you to buy. Trust me.

I felt justified in skipping "save the date" cards because most of the people we invited are family or friends who already know the wedding date.

I also saw no reason to have both escort cards -- which direct guests to their tables -- and place cards -- which tell guests which seat at the table is theirs -- because they essentially serve the same function. I got my place cards from the clearance bin at Target for $4.32.

Moreover, I don't need a videographer, and I don't want a limo to drive me the 20 feet from the ceremony site to the reception.

* Make your own invitations. I couldn't fathom spending $400 on invitations just because they have fancy, raised print. We ordered beautiful paper and matching envelopes from www.envelopemall.com, and we bought other supplies from art and craft supply stores Michael's and A.C. Moore, as well as Archiver's scrapbooking store.

I used coupons for every in-store purchase and joined the Archiver's loyalty club to get more deals. With postage, our invitations cost about $150.

* Cut back on flowers. Obviously, there will be flowers at my wedding. But we are getting married in a 55-acre garden, which made the decision to eliminate floral centerpieces pretty easy.

We talked with Steve Taras and Kathy Herdrich at The Watered Garden Florist, who proposed centerpieces with floating candles, vases and fall leaves to match our fall wedding. I think they're beautiful, and they cost $25 each, not $150.

* Wait for sales. If you start early and keep your eyes open, you can buy a lot of items on sale. It takes some patience, because planning a wedding is exciting and you want to rush out and buy things.

But be smart. David's Bridal has a quarterly sale on dresses, and I found thank-you notes and other items on sale at other stores.

* Enlist your friends. One of ours does beautiful calligraphy and volunteered to do our invitations for free as her gift to us.

Another, a professional photographer, said that if we were OK with him giving us a CD with our images on it, he would shoot our wedding for $400.

Considering that others tried to sell us photography packages for $4,000, that seemed like an outstanding deal to me. We can get enough prints made at Costco to wallpaper our living room and still come out way ahead.

* Go to bridal expos. You can collect free magazines and brochures to get ideas, and there are giveaways, samples and special promotions.

At the Southern Bridal Show & Expo at the State Fairgrounds in April, we signed up for a discount program from the Men's Wearhouse that entitles the groom and groomsmen to a $25 discount on rentals. And at that same show, I snagged a $50 David's Bridal coupon for my dress.

There's usually a small admission fee, but I saved on that, too, by registering early online. There's another expo coming up at the State Fairgrounds on Aug. 19. (See www.foreverbridal.net for details.)

* Find an off-season honeymoon destination. We considered Jamaica but decided to go to Mexico. October is the cheapest time to go, and the decision saved us at least $2,000. Yes, that's hurricane season, but we bought travel insurance, too.

* Get something for all your spending. We decided to funnel every wedding-related payment through one credit card, which at the moment is giving us double airline miles on every purchase. (Note: This is only a good strategy if you pay the balance off every month.)

LET'S MAKE A DEAL

I found that selecting a good vendor didn't always mean going with the lowest estimate. It did mean following my gut.

If something seems fishy to you, think hard before putting down a deposit. And make sure you get everything in writing. If you can, pay with a credit card so that you have some fraud protection.

Some other tips:

* Shop around. Don't be afraid to question vendors.

We are renting tables, chairs and linens, and one company wanted to charge a $250 delivery fee on a $450 bill. When I cried foul, the representative offered to "knock it down" to $200. I found another company that will deliver for $75.

* Ask for discounts. Our DJ shaved $100 off his price simply because we asked. Our caterer is cutting us a deal on our cake because she's making the rest of the meal.

* Be ready to walk away. Twice, we were ready to sign a contract with vendors, but they stopped returning our calls. You should never be so desperate to sign a vendor that you are willing to accept subpar service.

GETTING MARRIED

Of course, the point of all of this is to actually get married.

It's surprisingly easy to lose sight of that fact as you run from appointment to appointment.

I think making a budget and sticking to it helps you stay focused on the marriage, because it eliminates uncertainty.

Now, does that mean you won't spend hundreds of hours thinking about your wedding? No.

And does it mean your budget won't grow just a little as you plan your big day? No again.

But going into this process without any idea of how much you can spend is dangerous.

A survey by American Express last year showed that 44 percent of men and women getting married set no budget and 40 percent spent more than double their original estimate.

You don't want to be paying for your wedding on your fifth anniversary.

I don't, anyway.

And in the end, being frugal means that you and your new spouse will start off on the right foot in your married life.

And that's a real reason to throw a party.

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