The thing that caused all of the angst was not the idea of dedicating myself to one person for the rest of my life. What got me all riled up was finding out the average cost of a wedding nowadays: about $28,000.

You've GOT to be kidding me.

I'm a coupon queen. I don't spend $28,000 on anything, short of a down payment on a house.

The thought of spending that much on a single day paralyzed me. For three weeks, I didn't do much of anything except bemoan my predicament to anyone who would listen.

I think my co-workers got a kick out of my rantings, which often included the query: "$28,000 -- Do you know how many 50-cent coupons that is?"

But once I gathered my money-saving wits about me, I found that it was indeed possible to save money on my wedding by applying my standard rules: make a list, make a budget, negotiate discounts, buy on sale, use coupons and never, never pay full price.

OK, to be honest, I did break the last rule.

Unfortunately, in Wedding Land, there are some things that don't come with discounts. I even splurged on a few items.

I justify the spending by telling myself that it is my wedding, after all.

But I'm glad to report that where I didn't splurge, I scrimped.

And they DO have coupons for wedding dresses. You just have to know where to look.

We're now about four months from our October wedding, and I feel confident saying that if you keep your head on straight, it is possible to plan a day that is meaningful and costs a lot less than $28,000.

I'm spending less than half that on mine, and it's going to be fantastic.

SPARE NO EXPENSE -- ON SOME THINGS

Now before you think I'm chastising people who drop a year's tuition on their weddings, let me say that I understand how you could spend that much.

If you invite 400 people and insist that your napkins match your hair accessories, it's going to cost you.

Of course, if your folks are picking up the tab and have given you a big blank check, go nuts.

But if you're footing the bill -- as a growing number of couples are -- think carefully about how much one day is worth.

Because many young people are still grappling with student loans, car loans and credit card debt, we need to think long-term about what the best use of our money will be.

The best advice I got was to figure out what is most important and splurge on those items. The key is splurging only on those items.

For us, the important things were the venue and the food. We booked the Sarah P. Duke Gardens in Durham, and we hired Catering Works to do everything from cocktails to cake.

We went crazy with the menu, selecting many delicious things, including tuna steaks and Jack Daniels pork tenderloin.

The menu and the gardens account for more than 60 percent of our budget. But that's OK, because the place and the food are the things I think people remember most.

CUTTING BACK

Because we splurged on the food and the place, we made sacrifices everywhere else. I think we were largely successful.

The first thing I would recommend is making a spreadsheet or list that details each item and what you think it will cost, including a big, fat grand total at the bottom. This forces you to get serious quickly and look for ways to trim.

Here are several things we did to cut costs:

* Cut the guest list. We wanted a more intimate wedding, and the thought of multiplying all our expenses by 200 made me feel a bit ill.

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