The good news: I received a press release via e-mail last week, and my name on the distribution list was sandwiched in between CNN and Wonkette, the Washington-based, must-read political gossip blog. Truly, I am among the royalty of American media. Bow before me, peasants.

The bad news: The press release announced the start of a search for the "top hairstyles of 2006." Talk about utter lack of consequence. Don't these people know there are more important issues to be covered? Britney and K-Fed have split, for Pete's sake.

The news I learned only by digging deep into super-hair.net, the Web site created by the issuer of the press release: A new hair queen for the Triangle will be crowned in December.

The rest of the story: The current queen left the area and switched careers a year ago. Turns out that being a hair queen may not be a great thing.

OK, explanations are in order at this point. And yes, I'll stop with the colons already.

Somewhere in Georgia there's a guy named "Richard" who has what an objective observer might call an unhealthy obsession with women's hair. (Are you wondering why there are quote marks around his name? So did I after I saw it that way in the press release. When I asked if that was his real name, he said, "It could be." He wouldn't tell me where exactly in Georgia he's based, either. I had no idea the hair industry was so weirdly secretive. Then again, look at the photo of me up there. What do I know about hair?)

Anyway, this guy Richard -- uh, "Richard" -- stages a series of best-in-city hair contests through his Web site. He posts photos of 10 women from a chosen city, usually television personalities, and readers vote on who's got the best hair. Each week the lowest vote-getter is eliminated, American Idol-style, until there's a winner. The local winner in 2004 was NBC-17 newsbabe Tina Tenret, who nosed out WTVD's Frances Scott in the last round.

(Geez. I actually know these things. May God have mercy on my soul.)

But Tenret decamped for Florida and the financial services industry last December, leaving the Triangle without a hair queen. As a result, "Richard" says it's time to find a new queen. "It's wide open. The title is vacant, as they say in professional wrestling," he said.

On Monday, photos of the latest local crop of hair-queen candidates will be posted and voting commences. This is vitally important, of course. Remember, voting is one of the responsibilities of citizenship. And if you choose not to vote, don't complain later when some beehived Marge Simpson clone becomes the public face of Triangle hair preferences.

(A "vitally important" hair vote? You know, I really mean that have-mercy-on-my-soul thing I mentioned above.)

Whoever wins needs to be aware of something, though. Not only did the 2004 hair queen leave both the Triangle and broadcast news, so did the runner-up. Scott now lives in Roanoke, Va., and is hawking Fords in TV commercials for an area car dealership.

The obvious conclusion: Becoming a hair queen can be bad for your career and your Triangle residency.

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