Collins is a fellow who has wearied of the Christmas grind. No, wait. That's not exactly right. Actually, Collins has always liked Christmas. What he's weary of is hearing about the terrible burden of gift-shopping.

The person who bears that burden is his wife, Paula. That's probably true for most households, life being what it is: We may be a progressive society, but certain chores still fall upon certain sexes. The man is going to crawl under the house to check the plumbing; the woman is going to buy Christmas presents for the kids.

But this year, Collins is defying this natural order of things. He's out to prove a point -- that Christmas shopping doesn't have to be an arduous, time-consuming chore that causes your inner Scrooge to emerge. Collins told his wife he'd buy all the presents for the 15 or so people on their Christmas list.

Furthermore -- and this is where Collins' audacity becomes breathtaking -- he said he'd do it in two hours. Without shopping online or by phone.

No good can come of this. It has "Pyrrhic victory" written all over it.

Collins, a seemingly sane Raleigh business consultant, must have temporarily lost his mind. The implications of this challenge are terrifying. If he fails, he's lost a battle that wasn't begging to be fought in the first place. If he succeeds (and this would be my personal nightmare scenario), he may end up with the Christmas shopping chore every year. You know, since he's so good at it, and all.

Business guys usually talk about win-win situations. It's odd to see somebody fling himself into a lose-lose situation.

Collins explains it in terms of chivalry: It was "dragon-slaying" on behalf of his beleaguered fair maiden, he says. But chivalry quickly got shouldered aside by ego. "[Paula] was questioning whether I could slay that dragon. I said not only can I slay it, I can do it in two hours," Collins says.

The fair maiden confirms her skepticism. "I'd like to see Mike put his money where his mouth is," Paula says. "I reserve the right to return the things he has purchased so that the people receiving the gifts will be pleased."

Getting the idea this will be an interesting Christmas around the Collins household?

Collins says he'll succeed because men, unlike women, don't get their egos invested in the gifts they buy. Each present doesn't have to be perfectly perfect. His shopping strategy basically is this: See it. Buy it. Give it. Missing from that formula is "Agonize over it." If somebody wants to return the present, fine. He won't take it personally.

This is, of course, one of those Venus-and-Mars situations. Sure, Mike will buy the Christmas presents. But Paula's point is that he won't shop for them. Gentlemen, if you don't understand the difference between buying and shopping, consult the nearest female.

Somebody is going to come out of this standoff with the lifetime domestic rights to the phrase "I told you so."

Problem is, I suspect Mike and Paula both will lay claim to it.

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