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Published: Mar 09, 2008 12:00 AM
Modified: Mar 09, 2008 06:40 AM

Judging the Worth

Lots of poets have written about their experiences with mental illness, but few have written about the effect a breakdown has on other family members. The anthology "Living in Storms" considers manic-depression from all facets: those who suffer, the children of those afflicted, and those who keep the family together when a loved one experiences mental illness. From working in women's shelters, homeless shelters and prisons, as well as helping friends who have faced the effects of a breakdown, I have witnessed the ordeals faced by the families of patients. "Breakdown" deals with how mental illness affects an entire family. The following poem is at a time when the father in the family is desperately tottering on the brink of his own breakdown, trying to find a way to help his wife and two young children and maintain his own sanity. He salvages his emotional health with the love of his young child.

another 5 a.m. wake-up call
from the child who has learned
the joy of song before language
he alternates high then low doos then lats
the melody brooklike a wander without refrain
his child's scat lacks the edge of sex
and sorrow adults impose on expression
do-lat-deet-da-duuuh-lo-lo-lo-loooooow

outside it is all mist and fog
yellow notes of streetlights
diffuse like brilliant words that have lost
the structure of their argument
I watch a small tornado rise
from the exhaust of my neighbor's car
my son hunches into my chest
it toooowl he says I agree
it is cold but his breath warms
my shoulder his chest protects my own
he burrows his arms between us
one hand pops free; his fingers slide
over his thumb as if testing fabric
the weight and weave judging the worth
of this life he throws his head up laughs
his teeth small and bright as stars
the cherubic firmament of his face
radiates

around us hidden in the dark branches
of pines and hardwoods birds
chorus a greeting; the cacophony
of their song edges towards clarity
if I can only stand still long enough
to listen

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