It’s here. My birthday week has arrived. I’m officially the dark side of thirty. I’m excited about the next thirty-six years, and I am hopeful to live past them! Most folks in my family have been lucky enough to do so. Most of all, I am excited about what the second part of my life has in store.
My kids growing up (well, let’s be honest, that never really happens…), their teen years (maybe I’m more scared about those vs. excited), their college years (yep, those terrify me, too, I know what I was like…), their weddings (alright, the dollar figures are adding up in my brain, and we all know NO spouse will be good enough for ANY of my babies), and their children (NO – my babies having babies – ACK!)…
This really does feel like some sort of Robert Frost moment for me. It’s also been hard to wrap my head around the fact that just this year my dear hubby and I celebrated knowing each other longer than the age we were when we met! We were high school sweethearts that happened to survive the college years together. We were babies when we met. Babies. Ugh. To make my annual celebration of birth a little bit more daunting each year he turns a year younger than me. Urgh.
I’m starting to feel old. I’m noticing that my energy is depleted earlier and earlier in the day. Going to bed by 10:00 PM excites me. Is that sad? Once upon a time, that’s when I was going out! Thinking about this makes my head even wearier, and writing about this makes it feel so oddly concrete.
I will say this though – I am not ashamed of my age at all. I am quite proud of who I am, where I am at, and what’s gotten me here. Even the bad decisions in my life have been worth every minute of stress, because I’ve learned from them. Even the bad influences in my life have been worth knowing, because I’ve learned not to be like them. Even the wrinkles that are increasingly greeting me in the mirror are worth every sigh that they bring, because I have earned them. Even the white hairs that seem to be suddenly popping out all over my head are lovely, when I get around to coloring them!
Edie Brickell is suddenly singing in my forebrain: “I am what I am…”
Be who you are. Embrace yourself. Despite your age, your past, & your problems, be you, be happy, and be in the present. Take it from this soon-to-be elderly woman. She is wise for her age…or so she thinks. Again, she never really did grow up and absolutely refuses to. How about you?