Siri, the idoit

11/08/2013 1:00 AM

11/03/2013 8:10 PM


Siri is an idiot. She's stupid, lazy and, hard of hearing. I am so, so done with her.

Today I asked her a simple question:

"Siri, find Starbucks."

There are several Starbucks but none are near you. The closest one is 316 miles from here.

"We are in Raleigh, NC, Siri. Not Bandekajaki, Afghanistan. There is a Starbucks nearby. You are a lying sack of wheat! I know there is one around here! Find it!"

Every time I raise my voice to her, she shuts down. Some crap about she doesn't understand what I'm saying. She must be a teenager.

Ask her to call home? You know what she asks me? Every blasted time...

"Do you want to call Home or Ed Brodie?"

Seriously. I ask her to call home and that is her response. Who in the hell is Ed Brodie? He does not live with me. "Ed Brodie" is not a nickname for my house.

If someone at work asks me to make a copy of an invoice, I make a copy for them. I don't respond, "Do you want me to make a copy of the invoice or eat a thumb tack?" That would be a stupid thing to say. It is also stupid when I ask Ms. Siri to call home to ask me if I want her to call frickin' Ed stinkin' Brodie! If I wanted her to call Ed Brodie, I would have said, "Call Ed Brodie," not "call home!!"

Last week Siri went on strike. Four times. I'd ask her a question and she would respond, "I'm really sorry but I can't take any requests right now."

Is she on morning break? Is she on hold with Time Warner Cable? Is she in the AFL-CIO?

She's a computer! Why can't she take a request? And to top it off, she says she's "REALLY" sorry. Not just a little, but she's extremely upset that she can't help me. I just don't think she's being genuine. I don't think she gives a crap about me. I think she's yanking my chain, gaslighting me.

She can't find the phone number for my mother. My assistant at work is Robyn Stamey - but no, she'll only dial Robin Johnston. Robin Johnston is the CEO of a very large company in town. What if I left him a message to hold the pickles on my boxed lunch and to be sure to include a chocolate chip cookie?

"Siri, call Jane Stogner."

I cannot find a number for Vanetta Quackenbush.

"AHHHHH. I REALLY hate you."

Entertainment Videos

Join the Discussion

News & Observer is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

Terms of Service