And one day I woke up and gave credence to what everyone had been saying. It was time to rely on myself. Time to get my own place and secure the right job and make decisions that needed attention. I didn’t need anyone else to do it for me, nor did I need other people to make me happy. I needed to do things myself, to be happy with myself.
And so I did what I was supposed to do and the girls and I are moving and the job came around and the decisions happened with just a small bit of effort and I’m really happy… really stinking happy… and proud of myself.
But there are moments, like the second I got the house and the hour I got the job and the day that the decision I’d procrastinated over was finally done that the all by myself happiness didn’t feel like a cup full-up, but more like a cup with a chip; a tiny missing piece.
My friends came out in spades, and their happiness for me has been good and true. But that little part of the heart that longs for all-day texts, spontaneous afternoon phone calls, and middle of the night emails is lonely for its partner.
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This does not negate the happiness or the success or the great things that you know you’ve worked hard to make happen for yourself.
But to the people who say that you have to be alone after divorce to learn how to be happy on your own?
All by myself time is liberating, and lonely.
And so we must wait, for only one thing will ever change that very human ache.