It's time to concede that the Duke lacrosse players, even the ones who came no closer than you or I to being charged in the discredited rape case, have indeed been damaged.

That means they may be justified in seeking damages from the city of Durham, Duke University, the 911 operator who took the mock distress call, the dude who built the house on Buchanan Boulevard where the non-rape occurred and the automaker who built the cars in which the two strippers came to the house.

The only tangential person not named in the latest lawsuit filed by 38 players was Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone on which presumably they called the escort service and ordered up a couple of hootchy-kootchy dancers.

I exaggerate, sure, but not by much. In all, the suit names 29 defendants, including the nurse who performed the rape test on Crystal Gail Mangum -- the woman whose cry of "rape" has created the biggest money grab since the Gold Rush of '49.

The lawsuit claims the plaintiffs have been aggrieved by the negligent infliction of emotional distress.

Say what? Oh, their wittle feelings have been hurt.

Come to think of it, mine have, too. As a Durham resident, I should file suit against the lacrosse team because of the emotional distress various members of it have inflicted upon the city of Durham and, by extension, me.

A News & Observer story from 2006 reported that nearly one-third of the players on that year's team had been charged with various offenses such as underage drinking, public urination, and open container violations.

That doesn't mean they or their indicted teammates raped someone, but it indicates a proclivity to flout the law. When daddykins is loaded, though, such rowdyism is dismissed as "boys being boys."

How many of our tax dollars went toward the police department's investigation of citizens' complaints against team members over the years?

A lawyer for the players contends they, uncharged though they are, suffered "grievous, lasting injuries" and suffered "a horrifying personal nightmare."

I've got a grievous and lasting injury for 'em. Right here. After that, I'd introduce them to Dwayne Dail, Darryl Hunt and Alan Gell, three North Carolina poor boys who combined spent decades in prison for crimes they didn't commit.

Y'all guys ought to be ashamed, because unless you wear your lacrosse jerseys to job interviews or on first dates, no one but family members and friends know who the heck you are.

In the March issue of Men's Health magazine, former head coach Mike Pressler is hailed as a martyr who lost his job for the sins of a corrupt legal system.

What a crock. From 1999 through March 2006, 41 players on Pressler-led teams were charged with various crimes.

The reverence expressed for him was laughable, as the writer described him announcing his resignation to protesting players "in measured, Churchillian tones. 'Gentlemen,' he began, 'our darkest hour has arrived. The season has been canceled, and I am resigning.' "

Cue the violins, the tears and the slow hand-clap.

With such revisionism, with their previous reputation for boorishness swept away like a discarded candy-bar wrapper in a tornado, it's no wonder the little darlings see themselves being owed recompense.

Their Web site is dukelawsuit.com. What, was greedypunkstryingtoexploitatragicsituation.com already taken?